Children's words

For the past half month, my husband and I have not slept in the same room, nor have we had anything to talk about after a quarrel. Each person does their own work, each person worries about their own life. I am friends with the children, my husband is free to bury his face in his phone. I know that there are tons of fun things on the phone that make people forget reality. We only talk to each other about the most necessary things, and in return we get short answers. Actually, there is no big conflict. After four years of marriage, we realized that we have not found a common voice in our married life. Every time something happens, we both feel hurt. Neither of us is willing to give in, so we cannot sit down and talk. One person lives without the other caring, sharing, or working together. Day after day, silence becomes a habit in the house. My husband and I have raised her with stubbornness and selfishness. Even though my daughter sometimes asks, "Why don't you laugh and have fun with me?" I didn’t know how to answer him. We had left him in a stuffy house. He must have had trouble breathing, something I had never thought of before.

My husband is both stubborn and stubborn. He can get angry even when it's not a big deal. My husband never admits he's wrong, and always blames others. So every time that happens, I usually don't say anything, let things pass by themselves. I also don't bother to explain right and wrong, because I know it will only make the family atmosphere more tense. I accept and tolerate a bad habit of my husband, gradually forming a personality. But my daughter refuses to compromise. She observes every day until she asks, "Why do you make me fold my arms and apologize when I'm wrong? But you never apologize to Mom when you're wrong?". My daughter's resistance to the "injustices" in the house makes both my husband and I feel ashamed. When we speak up every day to teach our children lessons about manners and right and wrong, we ourselves cannot set an example for them to follow. After my daughter's question, I see my husband bow his head. Children's words are innocent but often make us think again.

I am a fire sign, hot-tempered, and sometimes cannot control my emotions. Especially when I am the mother of a stubborn, stubborn child with anorexia. Every time my child cries and cannot be comforted, I get mad and have to use a whip. Once and many times, I have formed the habit of "spare the rod and spoil the child". Until one day, while playing, my daughter bit my hand very hard. I cried out in pain, "Why did you bite me so hard?". She lowered her head and whispered, "Every time I hit you, it hurts." I was silent because of the feeling of regret. Any flesh hurts, I fully understand but still raise my hand to hit my child. The marks on my child's tender skin may fade, but the whip marks in her mind will last forever. I remember her eyes after each beating, both resigned and somewhat resentful. She did not dare to cry anymore but sat quietly in a corner. Once, I saw her sitting huddled, looking at the rays of light coming in through the crack in the door. Yet for so long, after each time I beat my child, I often said, “You can be tough with me” as a way of gratification. Without realizing that the gap between us was growing. I raised my child not only with rice and love. But also with the habit of beating and disciplining. And that is not the nutrition to nurture the body and soul of a person.

Life is strange. We - adults who once loved each other dearly, chose to bond together to become a family. Then chose to give birth to a child to raise and love it wholeheartedly. We have to work hard to earn a lot of money to build a house and call it a "home". But every day we unintentionally nurture ugly habits in the house without realizing that they are the factors that destroy a family. Habits are both visible and invisible. They exist every day but sometimes we cannot see them. So every day we only care about taking care of the things right in front of us. An old person, a child, a tree, a cat, an aquarium. Raising a child requires teaching, raising a tree requires training from a young age, raising a cat also teaches it what is allowed and what is not allowed. But the habits that lie within us, we do not take care of, shape, or train. We let them go, indulge them and let them exist freely every day. Until I had to look at myself in the words of children.