Marriage broken because of difference in education level

No common "voice"

After graduating from university and then getting a master's degree for 2 years, Ms. TTM in Phu Thai town (Kim Thanh) married Mr. NVS in the same district. At that time, Ms. M. only thought that love could overcome all barriers, so the difference in family and education level could not make it difficult for her and her husband. After more than 5 years of living together, conflicts due to the difference in education between the couple gradually arose.

The two had difficulty finding spiritual empathy. At first, Ms. M. discussed and shared with her husband about her difficulties in work and study with the hope of receiving advice, but in return, her husband was indifferent. Lacking sharing and empathy, the couple became distant, she no longer confided in him about the joys and sorrows in life. After many times of not finding a common voice with her husband, Ms. M. only focused on work and taking care of the children. Mr. S. also rarely confided in him about his business.

Ms. M. shared: "My husband only finished high school. Before, I thought this was not important, as long as we loved each other, that was enough. But after getting married, I saw that our lifestyles were different. I advised my husband many times to go to school to gain more knowledge. However, he thought that he didn't need to study to do well in his business, many people with high education are not as good at business as he is...

Also in a broken marriage like Ms. M's family, but instead of facing the problem to solve it, Mr. TQN in Hiep Hoa ward (Kinh Mon) chose to go abroad. After 2 years of working in Japan, Mr. N's family conflict has not yet eased.

Mr. N. said that his wife graduated from university, while he was studying at a vocational college and then quit. After getting married, they both worked at a company near their home. His wife worked as an office administrator, while he, due to his lack of qualifications, only worked as a worker. The conflict between the couple increased as his wife constantly compared his work and income with that of his other colleagues. Many times during arguments, his wife used derogatory and disrespectful words, leading to even greater conflict between them.

Thinking about his marriage, Mr. N. realized that he felt unhappy. Every conversation with his wife ended with complaints and frustrations about her husband. "Because my studies were incomplete, it was difficult for me to find a good job. However, I always wanted to give the best to my family. But my efforts were not appreciated in the eyes of my wife and her family. The more we talked, the more we could not find common ground," Mr. N. said.

Need sympathy

Most marriages start with love. At that time, they put aside all differences in age, family background or education level... When in love, they rarely think about those differences. But after many years, that difference becomes a "silent killer" of marriage without knowing it.

According to Mr. N., one of the important things for a happy marriage is respect. If this is not maintained between the couple, the marriage will easily fall into conflict. "Before getting married, we had a long time to get to know each other. A happy marriage is when we know how to balance the advantages and disadvantages, turning big conflicts into small ones. But we couldn't do that," Mr. N. added.

Working at the Women's Union of Hai Duong province, having the opportunity to come into contact with many family situations, Ms. Nguyen Thi Nham, Deputy Head of the Family, Society and Economy Department, said that the situation of cracks in marriage, especially in young families, is increasing. The cause can be from relationships, work, economy, children... However, too big a difference in education, thinking or family circumstances... will make it difficult for both husband and wife to communicate, have a life perspective and lack respect for each other.

According to Ms. Nham, marriages break down due to differences in education levels, in other words, it is a problem of "equal social status". In a broad sense, for a marriage to last, both parties must have the same starting point or strive to be compatible with each other. "The most important thing is to respect and listen to each other," Ms. Nham said.

In addition, to narrow the gap in qualifications, couples need to regularly supplement each other's knowledge. The highly qualified person can help the other learn more knowledge in a gentle way, without creating pressure, without criticism, and without agreeing on life views. In the family, it is necessary to divide the work appropriately, support each other in life so that both feel comfortable and equal. All gaps are narrowed by sympathy and understanding. This also helps young families avoid unnecessary marital cracks.