Love 'filter era'

Going home for Tet, journalist Tan Bang Phi, social commentator of the newspaperZaobao,constantly hear the urge to "bring your girlfriend home next year". For him, this concern brings pressure and insecurity. "I constantly wonder why it is so difficult for young people today to find a partner?", Mr. Tan said.

According to him, there are three main answers..

Social Media and Unrealistic Expectations

The biggest difference between today's young generation is the advent of the Internet, which has profoundly changed the way we think and communicate. People now spend most of their time online.

Constant exposure to attractive images online has inadvertently shaped young people’s standards for choosing a partner. Today, women often use terms like “appearance-oriented” or “youthful” to describe their ideal partner.

Many men secretly pursue the long-legged woman, or "Lolita" style. But most of us are normal people, who look completely different online.

Because we are so used to seeing people through beauty filters, we forget what real skin looks like. When we look at someone in real life, we feel uncomfortable or disappointed by flaws like large pores, wrinkles around the eyes, and lines on the forehead.

The Internet broadens people's horizons, giving them access to information about life beyond their own class. Over time, the gap between expectations and reality has widened.

"Despite being aware of the difference between the virtual world and reality, human desires are endless. We are still influenced by glamorous images online in our criteria for choosing a partner and the way we socialize," said Tan Bang Phi.

Women are increasingly setting higher standards for men.

The development of society has raised women's awareness of themselves. Almost every matchmaking has the same list of criteria for men: 1.75m or taller, good-looking, stable job, annual income of over 150,000 yuan (530 million VND), bachelor's degree, own a house, parents with pensions, harmonious family, good personality, hard-working. If you know how to cook, it is even more appreciated.

These requirements are just the minimum requirements in the marriage market. It seems that once women are looking for a partner, they have the right to set these "base standards".

"The growing gap between rich and poor, declining living conditions and uncontrolled information flow have distorted people's perceptions, making marriage more pragmatic than ever," Bang Phi said.

It is increasingly difficult for ordinary people to have a chance.

The fast pace of life and stressful work schedules, especially the 996 culture (working from 9am to 9pm, 6 days a week) have exhausted young people. After a long day, many people can only lie down when they get home. Some even have to work on weekends, leaving almost no time and energy to socialize. At that time, the few remaining moments are spent aimlessly scrolling through their phones. The penetration of the Internet has also gradually eroded real-life communication skills.

The rise of urbanization has disintegrated the familiar village communities of the past. Strong relationships have been replaced by a society of strangers. Even when communicating face-to-face, people find it difficult to open up and build real connections.

When Bang Phi asked a man nearly 40 years old: "If your wife had just met you now, would you two still get married?". The guy frankly replied: "If my wife had experienced better things like being picked up in a luxury car, taken to expensive restaurants, maybe she wouldn't have chosen me. After all, I'm just an ordinary worker."

In 2024, China will record 6.1 million marriages, down 1.5 million from 2023, the lowest level since 1980. The decline in marriages means the birth rate is also falling.

Faced with declining marriage and birth rates and a rapidly aging population, how can we address the challenges young people face in love and marriage?