Split the love fee

Although they have been in love for a few months, Vinh Ha, 24 years old, in Hanoi, always follows the principle of splitting the love expenses in half. Every time the two of them go out to eat or play, she pays her own share. When her boyfriend buys her a cup of milk tea, Ha also pays in full. Once when she went out to eat with friends, at the end of the meal, she split the cost in half and transferred the money to her boyfriend.

"Nowadays, women also work and have income, there is no reason to depend on their boyfriends," she explained. "Is it so difficult for lovers to buy each other milk tea or pay for a meal?" Tuan Hung - Vinh Ha's lover, asked the opposite question.

Hung has a different opinion from Ha. According to him, the expenses for going out or eating out during the period when two people are in love should be paid by the man. However, Hung still understands that his girlfriend is trying to share the financial burden, showing her financial independence. But Ha's excessive clarity makes him lose his feelings.

"I felt like her way of doing things was disrespectful," he said.

However, Vinh Ha thinks that because they are still in the stage of getting to know each other and don't know what the future holds, they should be fair from the beginning. If they break up later, both will feel relieved.

Initially, Thu Mai, 26 years old, living in Thu Duc City, Ho Chi Minh City, was also comfortable with the idea of ​​sharing expenses with her lover because she thought that both of them were not financially stable, so paying was reasonable. She also did not like the fact that her son always had to pay for her daughter, and was even happy to share everything with her lover.

"We are moving towards an equal and civilized society, there is no reason for men to only give and women to only receive," Mai stated. But then the initial comfort gradually gave way to a feeling of discomfort later on.

Mai's boyfriend splits the money for every outing and meal. Maybe not right away, but maybe over time. Her boyfriend says they are both young so they should be financially independent, and when they become husband and wife, he will give her all the money to keep. Mai doesn't know whether to continue this relationship because being too strict about money makes her feel like she is not appreciated.

In the latest survey of VnExpress with more than 1,000 readers with the question "Should we split the bill after each date?", 84% said that women should take the initiative to split the bill because both of them go out to eat and play, and should not let the man bear the pressure of expenses alone. Only 16% have the opinion that when dating, all expenses should be paid by the man, to prove his gallantry.

In fact, there is a phenomenon of young people being reluctant to date because of the burden of expenses. Many Koreans say they lack the time and money to date. In India, a survey conducted at the end of 2022 by online dating service Dating.com showed that 52% said they gave up dating to save money on clothes, gas, and food.

In Vietnam, the Youth Values ​​study, conducted by the Social Life Research Institute, shows that young people's biggest worries are finances (59%) and building a career (55%). Meanwhile, finding a partner is the second-lowest worry, at over 14%.

However, the idea of ​​sharing love expenses is not new, even in Asian countries, where there is a culture of men paying all expenses during courtship and dating.

In China, young people use the term AA (short for Algebraic Average) to refer to splitting all expenses when dating. In 2022, in the White Paper on Contemporary New Love Relationships in China, 22% of couples surveyed said they applied the AA system. In Japan, a survey by writer Goji Nojima when writing the book "This is Japan" showed that 57.3% of women said they split the cost of dating to show independence, equality and not create an additional economic burden for the other party.

"There is nothing wrong with letting your girlfriend share the cost of love," said expert Do Minh Cuong - Deputy Director of Business Culture, Vietnam Association for Development of Business Culture. According to him, if the cost of love is only on the guy, and if that person is not financially well-off, of course the pressure will be very great.

According to the expert, in modern society, most women work and have income and want to contribute to building relationships. Along with that, the idea that men have to protect and care for women is no longer heavy. Therefore, women taking the initiative to share the economy is a civilized act.

However, how to share must be based on many factors such as feelings, income level or personality of both sides. "To share or not to share, what ratio and in what circumstances must create a feeling of sharing, not division," he emphasized.

Like the case of Vinh Ha and Tuan Hung. Because of their rigidity in dividing the love expenses 50/50, the two could not find a common voice. After a few months, the couple broke up. Tuan Hung said that his ex-girlfriend seemed to not have enough feelings for him, always anticipating the day of breaking up, so they had to be clear about money matters to avoid being in debt to each other.

Agreeing with Tuan Hung’s point of view, Dr. Nguyen Thi Minh, lecturer at the Ho Chi Minh City National Academy of Public Administration, said that when in love, the issue is not who pays but how to behave with money appropriately and reasonably. Being too fair and petty with money will lose the romance and delicacy in love.

According to experts, in a couple's relationship, there is no shortage of opportunities and spaces for the girlfriend to invite her boyfriend to go out, attend events and actively pay. For example, when going to a concert, the boyfriend pays for the tickets, the girlfriend pays for the food or gives each other a few meaningful gifts. Or you can build a "love fund", contributing according to each person's financial ability to spend when necessary. Using this method, the couple can better understand each other's spending habits to better manage their love.

"The problem is whether couples want to create that opportunity. It's not always enough to just split up," the expert affirmed.

Tuan Tu, who lives in Hai Phong, does not agree with the idea that sharing money is a way to show care and respect for his girlfriend's feelings. He is always the one who takes the initiative to pay for expenses when going out or eating out with his girlfriend because he considers it the normal behavior of men in love. But sometimes his girlfriend wants to pay, and Tu is happy. This guy often receives surprise gifts from his girlfriend as an understanding of his feelings for her.

"That's how we create romance without feeling indebted to each other, or having to draw a line between my money and hers," Tu said.

According to VnExpress