It is a mistake when parents consider their children as property.

Recently, on the Chinese social network Weibo, there was a post that attracted nearly 300,000 likes. The poster said that in a restaurant, a mother kept nagging her 20-year-old daughter about all sorts of things, such as lipstick color and clothes. The girl begged her mother to stop talking, even apologized, but the mother refused to let go and continued to criticize her.

When she could no longer bear it, the young girl protested by taking lipstick from her bag and smearing it on her face like a madwoman and continued eating as if nothing had happened. The mother was stunned for a few minutes and then continued to mock her.

The poster shared that he was also shocked by the incident, not thinking that the mother would be so indifferent to her daughter's feelings. At the end of the post, this person borrowed a quote from famous Chinese psychologist Li Xie to conclude: "Children who are treated as property by their parents, forced to do things they don't like, will sooner or later become desperate and defeat themselves."

In the comments section below the post, many users shared similar experiences. "My parents did not accept me wearing a short-sleeved shirt that exposed my midriff. They constantly scolded me, making me want to jump out of the car even though I was on the road," one person wrote. While another shared: "My parents wanted to control me, so they stole my mobile phone password, waited until I was fast asleep, then unlocked it and secretly read it."

According to psychologist Ly Ta, these parents always consider their children as their own property and use their own standards to train and correct them. Once they are resisted, they will make various excuses such as "It's all for your own benefit"; "I wouldn't care if you weren't my child" and use all their power to demand unconditional obedience from their children.

When children are young, they do not have much self-awareness and will follow their parents' orders. But when they grow up, they will have independent thoughts. Being restricted by their parents' rules will make them afraid, angry, and sometimes desperate. Once negative thoughts accumulate, children will turn against them and even act foolishly.

"Many parents do not consider their children as independent individuals but always think of them as property and force them to obey. This action will cause irreparable damage to children throughout their lives," the expert said.

Lindsay Burgeson, a PhD in psychology at Augsburg University (USA), has spent 30 years researching the psychological motivations behind parental control and found that those who like to control their children are actually emotionally immature.

In life, these parents are self-centered and put their own feelings and thoughts first. Basically, they try their best to dominate their children because they do not want their children to destroy their own inner order to bring a sense of complete security. For example, if their children study well and are at the top of their exams, their parents will be proud and honored. If their children are polite and well-behaved, they will gain fame due to good upbringing and prove themselves better than other parents.

"In their eyes, children are like tools, everything must be done according to a predetermined script, no disobedience is allowed. They do not understand that children are not assets for parents to show off or gain face," Lindsay Burgeson affirmed.

Famous Chinese educator Chen Heling, former President of Jiangsu Province Psychology Association, once put forward the idea that "it's best to be a single-handed parent". According to him, "single-handed parenting" means that when children need help, parents will help, when children don't need it, parents should let their children be free.

Experts suggest giving children the following five freedoms.

3 years old, free food

At this age, many children cannot even feed themselves but have to rely on adults, which will limit their ability to develop independently.

Children aged 2-3 have begun to have their own ideas, so eating and putting on shoes by themselves do not need adult intervention. At this time, parents should withdraw from the dining table and give their children freedom so that they can be more assertive and independent.

5 years old, free to sleep alone

From a psychological perspective, children at the age of 3 can clearly distinguish between genders. Therefore, sleeping in separate beds when children are 5 years old can help them better understand their gender and learn the boundaries in interacting with others. If children still cannot adapt, parents should tell their children that they will have to sleep in separate beds in the future, helping them gradually form the awareness of sleeping separately.

To start, parents should buy a bed that their child likes and decorate the room so that the child realizes that "I want to sleep alone". In fact, sleeping in a separate bed requires parents to control their anxiety about separation to a certain extent, but this is an opportunity for children to become more independent.

8 years old, free to do housework

During her 10 years as president of Stanford University, Julie Himes discovered that many new students lacked even basic life skills. For example, parents had to pick up their children from school and help decorate their dorm rooms. Before making any decisions, children had to ask their parents for their opinions because they were used to adults taking care of everything.

For this reason, the headmistress called for cultivating the most basic survival skills for children, starting with doing housework and experiencing "initiative" from an early age such as preparing their own books, doing laundry or cleaning their rooms.

"A child who can take care of himself from an early age will be more adaptable, independent and function better in society later on," said Julie Himes.

10 years old, free to make friends

Socializing with peers is the first step for children to move away from their parents' eyes and start walking on their own path. Children from the age of 10 should be allowed to decide who their real friends are.

To prevent children from making friends with bad people, what parents need to do is to set up principles about friendship and let children know who they can make friends with and how to be careful when making friends. When discovering that children make bad friends, do not rush to deny it, but find a suitable opportunity to analyze and reason with them. The freedom to make friends not only gives children space to participate in social activities but also meets their emotional needs.

13 years old, free to close

Many parents find that when their children reach adolescence, they will choose to "close the door" or "lock the door", not allowing their parents to enter the room. In fact, "closing the door" is normal for teenagers to affirm "I'm an adult, I need my own space" and parents must learn to understand and accept that.

When parents know that their children are starting to have their own little world, don't try to force the door open. Next time you want to enter, knock first. Allowing your child to close the door will open the way for independence for them.

From his 5 suggestions, educator Tran Hac Linh shared: "If you truly love your child, try to let go and slowly withdraw from their world. Only by observing them from afar and allowing them to be their own masters can you bring them a happy second half of life."