Families celebrate Tet with their maternal grandparents

Married to a Nghe An woman, for more than 17 years, Mr. Tuan Hung, 44 years old, in Bac Tu Liem (Hanoi) always looks forward to Tet when he and his wife and children return to their hometown to reunite and welcome the new year.

Mr. Hung said that every year, the whole family buys train tickets to travel nearly 300 km to his wife's hometown on the 27th of the lunar calendar. He really enjoys the Tet atmosphere in his wife's hometown, where the whole family gathers to wrap banh chung, stays up all night to cook banh chung, talks, and sings until morning.

"My wife has been away from home all year, only coming home on important occasions. I want her to rest during the time when every daughter-in-law is busy preparing for Tet for her husband's family," Mr. Hung shared.

Mr. Hung and his wife got married in 2007. The first year Ms. Bich became a daughter-in-law, he asked his parents' permission to go back to his hometown with his wife to celebrate New Year's Eve, and returned on the 3rd day with the reason: "I want to go back to see how Tet is in Nghe An, I see that everyone at my maternal grandparents' house is really looking forward to my visit."

His mother hesitated looking at his father but finally nodded in agreement. "Perhaps my mother partly sympathized because she had never been to her maternal grandparents' house for Tet," he said.

The two planned to clean the house early and buy enough things for the days like the Tao Quan offering tray, New Year's Eve food, and the first and third days of Tet.

On December 27, Bich put a red envelope in her husband's parents' hands and said: "I would like to give you my lucky money early. I am very grateful to you."

The mother-in-law also wrapped some fresh green rice, green rice sausage, and jellied meat as gifts for the in-laws.

"When I first got married, I didn't dare think about asking to go back to my parents' house to celebrate Tet. Being able to go back to celebrate New Year's Eve like every year makes me appreciate my husband's family more," said Ms. Bich.

Up to now, although Mr. Hung and his wife have two grown children, every Tet, the children still go to their parents' house. After the third day, Ms. Bich's parents, along with their daughter, son-in-law and children, go to Hanoi to wish their in-laws a happy new year and stay for a few days. Some years, her husband's parents will return to Nghe An.

Married since 2018, Van Thoai, 27 years old, in Bac Giang still keeps his promise before the wedding that he will go to his wife's parents' house to celebrate Tet to avoid feeling lonely.

His wife's family has three sisters, his wife is the youngest, the two older sisters both go to their parents' house from the 29th of the lunar month until the 2nd to return to their husband's house, gradually it has become a family tradition so he also wants his wife not to suffer any disadvantage.

"My mother married far away, more than 300 km away, every year she stays at her husband's house to take care of everything until the end of Tet. I don't want my wife to suffer during Tet like that," Thoai said.

The son-in-law admitted that he was sometimes more excited about going to his parents-in-law than his wife because his parents-in-law always cared about him, just waiting for him to come home to treat them to delicious food. As the man of the house, he also wanted to help his wife's family clean up for Tet.

"To balance both sides, my wife and I agreed that during the holidays we would travel with my husband's family, and during Lunar New Year we would spend more time with my wife's family," Thoai confided.

Tuyet Mai, 45 years old, administrator of a marriage forum with more than 400,000 members on social media, said that some people confided that their husbands accepted their going home to celebrate Tet but were judged and given bad reviews by their husband's relatives, or in many cases, their husband's parents "approval but not their heart".

There are currently no statistics, but according to marriage and family psychologist Le Thi Minh Hoa (Sunny Care Psychology Institute, Ho Chi Minh City), going to the wife's parents' house to celebrate Tet is becoming more and more common among young couples. They have more open minds, and women are also confident and clear in expressing their opinions before getting married to gain equality when going to their husband's house.

"Many women today are financially independent, which makes it easier for them to discuss with their husband's family about calculating travel expenses during Tet and taking good care of both families," said Ms. Hoa.

However, experts also believe that families should divide the Tet holiday into alternating periods, one year at the wife's family's house and the other year at the husband's house. For families who do not live with the husband's family, they can consider which side is closer and more convenient to celebrate Tet together.

According to Dr. Nguyen Thanh Nga, lecturer at the Academy of Journalism and Communication, going home to celebrate Tet with his wife is a progressive view of husbands. This shows a positive sign for gender equality, partly proving that they respect and love their wives and think about their in-laws.

However, according to experts, if the maternal and paternal families live close to each other, they can support celebrating the maternal side's Tet every year, but if the two families are far apart and only celebrate the maternal side's Tet, it is not reasonable. "Everyone wants their children and grandchildren to reunite on this occasion, so it should be carefully calculated so that both families are happy," the expert shared.

For the past three years, Ms. Thai Ha, 46 years old, in Nghe An, has been celebrating Tet at her maternal grandparents' house. She said that although she was happy, she had to face criticism from neighbors and her sisters-in-law many times.

In 2021, knowing that her mother's health in the countryside was unstable, her parents-in-law suggested that their daughter-in-law visit home more often and stay to take care of them during Tet.

"Before, my husband's parents were very strict. During Tet, the daughter-in-law had to stay with her husband to worship the ancestors. In the past few years, I have been able to go back to my parents' house. I am very grateful," said Ms. Ha.

However, when celebrating Tet at her own house, she accidentally heard many bad things from the neighbors such as "Why don't you take care of your husband's family and run back here?", "Do you have any conflicts with your husband's family?" Seeing his wife sad, Gia Ba also encouraged her, some years he let his wife and children go back first, he took care of his husband's family and then came back later.

"I feel guilty because I can only come home a few times a year, and my wife takes care of my parents and the children by herself. Next year I will move out and live closer to my wife's house so she can spend more time with her parents," Mr. Ba confided.