"Teaching my children, I feel helpless and… crazy"

Every time I tutor my child like that, my head goes crazy.

In fact, there have been many cases when teaching children, due to not being able to control their emotions, many fathers and mothers have raised their voices, threatened, and even beaten their children when they were slow to understand or lost concentration during the learning process.

Children - especially those who have just entered primary school - are still young, playful and absent-minded. Parents putting pressure or threatening violence when tutoring their children will have a negative impact on their psychology.

Teaching children has never been easy for parents. Photo: illustration

Teaching children like "on duty"

Worried that her child would lose knowledge due to the pandemic and long summer break, parent Nguyen Thi Phuc (Gia Lai) decided to spend 2 hours every night to review Math and Vietnamese with her child. However, her son did not seem interested.

"After dinner, my child sat at the desk reluctantly. When I told him to do math, he turned away for a few minutes and saw him secretly take out his father's calculator and type in the answer. When it came to writing, I asked him to describe his teacher, but he calmly said, "I haven't been to school for a long time, I forgot my teacher's face."

Every time I help my child with homework, my head goes crazy and feels like a bomb waiting to explode" - Ms. Nguyen Thi Phuc shared.

Parent Dinh TM (Hai Phong) also shared about the "arduous journey" when tutoring his son, the boy constantly complained of tired hands, hunger, or "wasting time" by running out to find an eraser, pen, yelling at the dog...

"Once, I sat with my child for more than 2 hours and he could only do one math problem. Meanwhile, the teacher's homework sheet required him to complete 3 problems. There were many problems but his mind was in the clouds. I went crazy, banged my hand on the table loudly, and continuously scolded him for being a bad student. When my anger reached its peak, I grabbed his notebook and threw it straight outside."

Similarly, parent Manh Tung (Quang Ninh) also compared every evening teaching his child to a "battle". However, not only did he stop at being angry, irritable or shouting, this parent even resorted to physical violence because he felt truly... helpless.

Mr. Manh Tung explained that although he tried to guide and demonstrate many times, his elementary school daughter could only stare blankly. When he asked if she understood, she said she did, but when she put her pen down to do the test, she made mistakes. Sometimes, she answered one thing with her mouth but wrote another on her paper.

"I was so mad. Holding a ruler, I repeatedly hit my child's hand and said: "If you are so stupid, you should stay home and herd buffalo." She burst into tears, I got even angrier, glared, pointed my index finger at her face and told her to be quiet."

These are probably just 3 of thousands of "half-laughing, half-crying" stories that parents have encountered when tutoring their children. Many parents share the same feeling that tutoring their children "tortures" them to the point of insanity. Some parents even jokingly say that when tutoring their children, in order to avoid getting "hypertension" or going to the afterlife, they need to... tie their own hands or put their heads in the refrigerator.

"I regret the times I beat and scolded my children when teaching them their lessons"

However, behind the angry moments, these parents feel extremely regretful.

Dinh TM's parent recounted that after hearing his mother's scolding and loud banging on the table, her son could only lower his head and tears streamed down his face.

"Now thinking back to my actions that day with my son, I feel extremely guilty. In just a moment, I suddenly became a "fierce" mother, unable to control my emotions and actions. I don't know what my son will think of me after that time."

Falling into similar emotions, parent Manh Tung shared: "I have no regrets in this life even though I have stumbled many times. However, what I regret the most are the times I got angry and scolded my child. After those times, I just wished I could be calmer at that time. But it was really difficult, the pressure of life, making a living, plus my child's education... made my mind spin...".

During a parent-teacher conference, Huong Giang's parents received a letter from their son, who was in 8th grade. Before that, the teacher asked each student to write a letter "saying things they have never said to their parents".

"In the letter, my son wrote: "I thank you, Dad, for not yelling or scolding me when you tutored me." He only wrote a few lines like that, without mentioning or blaming his mother - a person who beat him every time he taught me. That shows how tolerant children are. They only know how to say thank you and do not know how to complain. Only adults are selfish, always blaming and putting pressure on their children's shoulders."

Parents let children "fly"

"The more parents urge, the less children want to do it." Perhaps, this is the common mood of many children. In fact, when a child is faced with homework or studying, the brain's first reaction will be to refuse instead of taking action. At that time, parents' anger is only a matter of time.

After reading her son's confession, Huong Giang realized that playing the role of a "tiger mother" was painful but did not bring results. Therefore, she began to change her parenting strategy. Instead of scolding, this parent used compliments to inspire her child.

"This paragraph is good, but it would be better if you polished it a little more", "You can probably solve this problem in a snap like solving a Rubik's cube, right?" (You have a passion for Rubik's cube). After being praised, my son was obviously in the mood to do the test and his face showed excitement and determination" - Ms. Giang said.

Parent Xuan Truong (Hai Phong) shared his family's real story: "I rarely let my wife teach my children because my wife is a perfectionist. When she sees my children making a mistake, she criticizes and scolds them, which discourages them. They are still young and their thinking is not yet complete. How can we force them to "learn one thing and understand ten things"?

Meanwhile, my way of teaching my children is different. I let my children do their homework, and correct their mistakes. I also often set rewards such as going to the movies, going to the park, etc. to encourage them when they do their homework correctly. Currently, my children's academic results are always in the top 5. In class, the teacher also praises my children for being independent and diligent in studying."

Admiring the parents who patiently accompany their children in the learning process, teacher Vu Thu Huong (secondary school teacher of Literature, Nam Dinh) expressed: "As a teacher, and also a mother, I think parents should guide their children to learn on their own. Analyze with your children, learning is theirs, they must know how to take responsibility for their own results. Parents should stand behind to observe and encourage, instead of sitting next to their children forcing them to study.

Parents just need to be an example of how to behave, a peaceful place for their children to return to. For the rest of the journey ahead, parents should let their children be independent, experience and mature."

According to Dan Tri