5 common misconceptions about love

According to Dr. Kathy McCoy, American psychotherapist and journalist, love in reality is not as beautiful as it is in poetry. A seemingly perfect relationship or expectations of happiness may never be met, under the test of time.

The doctor points out common misconceptions that lead to suffering rather than happiness.

My love can change the other person

Taking on the task of changing someone, especially when they are not willing or able to change the way you want them to, is something that will leave you frustrated.

Those expectations are yours, not your partner's. You may see that person as perfect except for "little things" like gambling, being too comfortable, or flirting with others, and think that your love will help fix those imperfections. This is impossible. A person only changes when they themselves want to change.

Our love can overcome family opposition

There are certainly real-life love stories that thrive despite initial opposition from family or friends. You may think that it’s not a big deal if your parents hate your partner, but it’s not. The people who love us the most, like our parents and siblings, don’t always tell us what we want to hear when they see the difficult future ahead of us.

However, once the initial rush of love wears off, be cautious and don't rush into any commitments. Be aware that being forced to choose between family/friends and your partner can be a red flag that can't be ignored about potential trouble in the future.

Marriage will end conflicts

Many couples assume that once they get married, minor quarrels and fights will end and they can look forward to future goals like buying a house or having children. However, according to therapist Kathy McCoy, this is the wrong process. Both partners need to work together to improve their communication and anger management skills first, which is necessary before moving on to major life transitions like marriage, parenthood, or homeownership.

Sex is not that important, deep love for each other is meaningful

This misplaced optimism can arise when one partner is transgender or has a sexual problem, leading to sexual incompatibility. While some couples find different solutions to this problem, it is important to look at the long-term reality. Would you be comfortable with a sexually incompatible marriage? Would you or your partner be able to commit to being faithful to each other?

Sex is an important part of marriage, so ignoring this element can lead to resentment and suffering in the long run, in the future.

The past is no longer important

There are some things you can let bygones be bygones. However, if your partner has a history of drug addiction, domestic violence, philandering, incarceration, or she has had three short marriages within a few years and each ended in long-term animosity, you should think twice.

Everyone has the potential to change and grow through their issues. However, it is important to look realistically at past patterns to see what has changed and what has not, and to recognize the limits of your ability to change others.

Of course, this doesn't mean there isn't room for hope, change, or personal growth, but remember, wishing to change someone rarely leads to lasting love.

It is important to respect your own dreams and those of your partner, encourage growth but recognize that the choice to grow or change must be yours. Time can help you determine what is possible and what is not.