If I had known this would happen…

A man told his friend:

- My wife caught me in the neighbor's room on the second floor, so she got angry and jumped down to the street, breaking several ribs. She is still in the hospital.

- Why do you keep doing such thoughtless things?

- If I had known, I would have gone to the girl's room on the seventh floor.

I didn't drink…

Seeing his wife coming home late from work, the husband approached her to talk. But when he smelled alcohol on her mouth, he panicked and asked:

- Do you drink alcohol?

- It's not me, it's my department head who drinks.