Trial separation when marriage is in trouble

A trial separation is a difficult step that can decide the fate of a marriage. During this period, couples have the opportunity to explore their own interests, establish their independence, and work through issues that are troubling them. At the same time, they can evaluate the relationship and decide whether it is worth staying in the marriage or whether it is time to say goodbye.

According to psychologist Carly Dober, president of the Australian Psychologist Association, every family has certain issues and there are many things to consider that outsiders cannot know, so "trial separation" is an important stepping stone.

In many cases, during a trial separation, one spouse may choose to move away. However, if maintaining a second residence is financially difficult, both spouses may continue to live under the same roof, albeit in separate rooms. During this time, you and your partner establish a mutually agreed upon time frame for separation, while still remaining legally married.

Unlike divorce, a trial separation does not have any legal impact on marital rights or property. During this temporary separation, couples will evaluate the reasons for the separation and what they hope to gain from it. Both parties should communicate their intentions, set boundaries, and agree on a timeframe for the separation.

While some couples may choose to cut off communication completely during their time apart, others may choose to communicate more frequently. This decision should be made based on each family’s unique circumstances. This is a period of growth for both parties, allowing them to reassess their priorities and gain a deeper understanding of themselves and their partner.

The concept of a trial separation is not new or unfamiliar in marriage, but it is often misunderstood and sometimes stigmatized. However, when done correctly, it can have many benefits in helping to save a relationship or give each partner the clarity they need to move forward. The main benefits of a trial separation are:

Give yourself some space

When you’ve been with your partner for so long, it can be difficult to get a clear perspective on the relationship. Taking a break and spending time apart can give you the space you need to reflect on the issues that are troubling you. Without the distractions and conflicts of everyday life, you can take a step back and think more clearly about what you want and need from your partner.

Communicate clearly

One of the benefits of a trial separation is that it leads to more honest and open communication between spouses. Living apart allows you to make an effort to talk more often and gives you more time to think about what you want to say. This can lead to deeper and more productive conversations, as well as an understanding of each other’s feelings and needs.

Problem Solving

This time allows couples to take the pressure off of being in the same space. With more freedom to reflect on their experiences and thoughts, partners may find themselves more open to addressing issues they were initially avoiding, such as communication, intimacy, or underlying insecurities.

Connect with yourself

Taking a break from your marriage can also be an opportunity to focus on yourself. You may have neglected your own needs and interests to maintain the relationship. A trial separation can allow you to reconnect with your own passions and goals for the future. This can lead to greater self-confidence and a stronger sense of identity.

Avoid hasty decisions

Couples often feel forced to make quick decisions when things get tough. This can lead to the breakdown of a marriage without proper communication or consideration of what might be salvageable. A trial separation allows each party to take a step back and consider what they really want without having to make any permanent decisions.

What to do during trial separation?

According to psychologist Aastha Pahadia, a psychologist in India, the trial separation period is a time for spouses to identify their personal goals, set appropriate boundaries, spend more time with themselves and seek help from others, if necessary. It is important to not set unrealistic expectations and be willing to have difficult conversations to find effective solutions for the relationship.