The three most stifling ways of talking in the family

MagazinePeopleonce published a collection of "Bad Ways to Talk" by Chinese people. After just one night, it received 600 responses with more than 100,000 sentences.

It can be seen that whether a family is happy or not is shown through the way they talk. Some families talk to each other gently, comfortably, without growling or criticizing each other. There are also families that open their mouths and yell, with a tone of criticism and blame. Living in such a family often makes people feel suffocated and just want to escape.

According to psychologists, the following three ways of talking will only make your family relationships worse.

Rhetorical question

AboveWeibohot topic of discussion: What is the most offensive tone a person can use when speaking?

Not surprisingly, most said it was a rhetorical question. Psychology also suggests that rhetorical questions are aggressive in tone, and are most likely to hurt and offend people.

Imagine how you would feel if family members often said to each other: "Are you blind? Can't you see for yourself?"; "I've told you so many times, why don't you get it?" or "Don't you have hands?".

No one feels comfortable hearing these words, but many people are used to communicating using rhetorical questions.

Psychologist Qian Zhiliang, a lecturer in the psychology department at Beijing Normal University, shared a story about his friend's family. The friend and his wife were traveling together. When they arrived at the hotel, the wife wanted to buy something from a nearby supermarket, but because she didn't know the way, she asked, "I don't know if the supermarket is far from the hotel?"

The husband was lying on the sofa and said: "You ask me, who can I ask? Don't you know how to look it up online?"

The husband finished speaking, the room became quiet, the wife did not say a word. When the husband looked up, he saw her face was extremely shocked and disappointed. An enjoyable trip was completely ruined by a single sentence.

Why is this rhetorical question so annoying? Because what it conveys is not friendliness but contempt and ridicule. It is a statement that implies that the person being asked is not only wrong, but also ignorant and stupid.

Rhetorical questions are really hurtful. Starting today, when communicating with people, use affirmative statements more often. When communication is prolonged, the family will be harmonious.

Habit of argument

In many families there is one person who, no matter what others say, they reject it. No matter what you do, they criticize it.

In a recent variety show about marriage reconciliation, a young wife decided to divorce her husband because she could not stand arguing with him about everything. No matter what she did, as long as it did not conform to her husband's wishes, he would immediately "preemptively strike" with a strong tone. She had no choice but to keep quiet.

"It's not that I like to argue, but she did something so thoughtless that she had to be taught a lesson," the husband said. The show's MC immediately denied: "Family is not a place to argue. Even if your wife is not considerate, you should calmly discuss it instead of aggressively imposing your ideas on the other person."

In the family, arguing is the most foolish thing. Even if you win with words, you hurt the other person's heart. There is no winner after a gunshot. Hurting the other party is actually asking for trouble for yourself.

Habit of nitpicking

Writer Xia Ban Yue (from Guangzhou) had a friend who had complained more than once that her husband was not good to her and wanted a divorce for a long time. It was not until the writer visited his friend's house one day that he understood what the problem was in their relationship.

That day, the friend spent an hour cooking and served three main dishes and one soup. At the table, the husband used his chopsticks to point at the sauteed snow peas and sausage and said, "Why not saute beef? It's more delicious."

A moment later, he said again: "Why didn't you add two drops of peanut oil when you cooked the rice? The rice doesn't have any shine." While eating, he commented on how bland and salty the dishes were, and finally he criticized her about the hygiene of the kitchen.

"Hearing him constantly bullying her, I felt suffocated and hurt," Ha Ban Nguyet said.

Most unhappy families are prone to hurling unwarranted accusations and finding fault all the time. If a family is full of pickiness and nitpicking, it becomes a mental hell.

Trivial conflicts between family members seem to be small things, but they are like termites eating away at the roots little by little, until they shake the foundation. Be less critical and blaming, more encouraging and praising, life will be full of surprises.