Preventing "undercurrents" in the family

“Let go” of the phone

Last weekend, Ms. TNL's family (in Truong My Street, Hai Duong City) had a full day off, happily together. After breakfast, she and her husband and two children, one 6 years old, one 9 years old, went to see a cartoon at a cinema near their house. After that, the whole family went to lunch and went to their paternal hometown to play all afternoon. "For more than 2 months now, my family has been going out together on weekends. Since then, I have seen that the children are happier and more active than before. Even my relationship with my husband has improved a lot," said Ms. L.

Due to the nature of their work, Ms. L. and her husband often use mobile phones and access social networks. Over time, it has become a habit. They spend more time on the phone than on their family. Ms. L. said: “I can’t remember the last time my husband and I had a good chat. When we get home, everyone is glued to their phones. Until one day, when my daughter said she wished she were her parents’ phone, that way her parents would be closer to her. Hearing that, I was startled. My husband and I have decided that at night when we are home, we will minimize the use of our phones. On weekends, we put everything aside to spend time together.”

For the past six months, the families of Ms. NBN and TML (in Kinh Mon) have also agreed that 8-10 pm is the “no phone” time. Ms. N. said: “The reason for doing so is to save our marriage. When my husband takes a shower, he also takes his phone with him. When he eats, he also buries his face in his phone. The whole day, my husband and I have nothing to say to each other. Our married life is so boring that it makes me feel suffocated, unable to find joy, and I have even thought about divorce.”

Also being “addicted” to their phones, in the evenings, Mr. PVV and Ms. D.TH (Gia Loc) both surf social networks instead of playing with their 3-year-old daughter. To make her play well, they also gave her an iPad to watch YouTube. “A few months ago, I saw that my child was showing signs of being irritable, only liked to watch the phone, iPad, not to mention crying and refusing to eat. When I took my child to the doctor, the doctors said that she had signs of autism because she watched the phone too much. At that time, my husband and I were shocked and regretful of our bad habits and decided to change and stay away from the phone,” Ms. H. said.

Live more positively

Many studies have shown that overusing phones is having negative consequences on marriage and family life. Paying attention to the virtual world on phones makes people lose the need to communicate and share with each other.

"In recent years, as a mediator, I have participated in mediating a number of marriage and family cases. I have found that spending too much time on mobile phones, leading to not caring about your spouse or children, is one of the important causes of family discord and broken relationships," said Mr. Nguyen Van Nham, a mediator in Tu Ky district.

According to Dr. Dong Thi Yen, Lecturer of the Faculty of Politics - Psychology - Education at Hai Duong University, to prevent the "undercurrents" caused by phones in the family, each person should clearly define the values ​​of the family and have the desire and determination to build those values. At the same time, parents themselves must also set an example for their children.

According to Dr. Yen, because of the habit that has been formed, creating "phone-free time" in the family will certainly encounter difficulties and cannot be successful in a short time. However, if you have determined and set a goal, surely everyone will find suitable ways to change.

For Mr. V. and Ms. H., the initial period of “quitting” the phone was really quite difficult. “It took my husband and I 10 days to get used to not using the phone to surf social networks, shop, chat with friends, play games…”, Ms. H. said.

As for Mr. TML, at first when he was “phone-less”, he felt quite frustrated and uncomfortable. But every time he wanted to take out his phone to look at it, Ms. NBN would remind him or ask him to do housework, invite him to walk, go for a walk, go to his parents’ house, visit his friends’ house, etc.

Turning off notifications, deleting unnecessary apps on the phone, setting a specific phone usage schedule, keeping the phone away from the bed... are ways that many people apply to limit phone usage.

After a period of no phone, the lives and feelings of Ms. L.'s family, Mr. V. and L. have all improved significantly. In particular, when they do not spend too much time on the phone, they realize that they have many things to do every day. At the same time, they also have more free time to work and take care of themselves.