Expensive wedding

The 25-year-old girl already had 500,000 VND in her prepared envelope. "With a full feast, many specialties and a singer performing, the host needs at least 1 million VND in gifts to cover the expenses," Chi explained.

Two years ago, Chi's wedding envelopes rarely reached 500,000 VND. For weddings held at home or not attending, she would send 200,000-300,000 VND. Now, her wedding gift habit is 500,000 VND if attending a party at home. If the wedding is held at a luxurious place, the amount in the envelope will "automatically" increase to 700,000 to 1 million VND.

"I'm happy, but I won't lose face, but I will be embarrassed," said the office worker with a salary of less than 10 million VND. Every month, Chi receives 3-4 wedding invitations. She said she definitely has to ask her parents for help to have enough money for food and rent. Most of Chi's friends and colleagues admit that "going to weddings these days is getting more and more expensive."

Ms. Hoang Ha, 60 years old, in Ho Chi Minh City also set a rule of giving 500,000 VND in wedding envelopes if she attends the party and 300,000 VND if she does not attend. According to her, this is a common ground, suitable for the economy of retirees without causing the homeowner to suffer.

Last week, she attended a friend's child's wedding, held at a luxury hotel. Everyone in the group of retirees decided not to "break the bank" and still left an envelope with 500,000 VND. But by the end of the party, everyone had automatically added another 500,000 VND. Although dissatisfied, Ms. Ha had to follow the majority.

During the wedding season, opinions on the topic of "wedding gift money pressure" or "wedding meals at market prices" appear more and more on social media platforms. Many people agree with the opinion that "the increase in wedding gift money is too fast, far exceeding the rate of inflation and becoming abnormal for most people's income".

According to the Ministry of Labor, War Invalids and Social Affairs, the average income of workers after the first 9 months of 2024 is 7.6 million VND, an increase of 7.4%. This level is too different from the average growth rate of 100% of wedding gifts.

To avoid financial ruin, many people choose not to attend the party to reduce the wedding gift money. "Every year, I receive more than a dozen wedding invitations. If I attend with the wedding gift money only increasing and not decreasing, how can my salary be enough?", wrote a netizen named Van Tien.

According to a survey of 4,000 readers with the same question "How do you usually celebrate weddings?", 49% said that we should follow the "general level" of how much everyone celebrates, then we should celebrate as much; 41% said it depends on our own economic conditions at the time of the party.

"The gift money has increased but it is not enough to cover the organization costs," said Ms. Thanh Loan, a representative at a wedding organization center in Hanoi.

According to her, the cost of organizing a wedding has tended to increase in recent years, putting pressure on the bride, groom and guests. Five years ago, the average price of a banquet table for 10 people was around 3-3.5 million VND, but now it has increased by 25-30% due to increased input materials and service fees.

"The minimum price for a decent banquet is four million VND, not including decoration services, hiring a host or adding entertainment. Usually, families will choose the range of 5-7 million VND," said Ms. Loan.

In addition to the cost of the food, many families also spend money on luxurious wedding decorations, costing an average of 200-500 million VND. "From the total cost, if each guest gives 1 million VND, the wedding will be lucky enough to break even," said a representative of the wedding organizer.

The financial pressure of ordering a wedding feast has caused a headache for Ms. Tu Linh’s family in Hoang Mai district, Hanoi. This woman said that for her eldest son’s wedding in 2017, the feast cost only 2.5-3 million VND per tray for 10 people. Her youngest daughter’s wedding held in the middle of this year cost 6 million VND, including service and decoration fees.

"Ordering a small feast can easily be seen as stingy and disrespectful to guests, but making it full can put pressure on guests," said Ms. Linh.

Cultural expert Nguyen Hung Vi, former lecturer at Hanoi National University, said that wedding gifts are an interesting feature of Vietnamese culture, stemming from the spirit of mutual love. The money is both a blessing and a financial contribution to the happy day and to support the newlyweds in starting a new life.

In each period, the way of celebrating weddings is also different. During the subsidy period, the bride and groom were given essential items such as pots, pans, thermoses, cups and bowls. When the economy developed, people converted gifts into money.

According to Mr. Vi, wedding gifts are mainly based on the relationship between relatives, the living conditions of the bride and groom, the position of the host family and the economic status of the guests. There is no regulation on how much money is given as gifts, but guests often secretly calculate the appropriate amount so that the host does not lose money.

To avoid a wedding celebration that is like an "expensive street food" meal where neither the bride nor the groom nor the guests benefit, cultural expert Nguyen Anh Hong, former lecturer at the Academy of Journalism and Communication, advises young couples to organize a warm wedding ceremony that connects family members and guests.

Regarding the guests, Ms. Hong said that they should determine the level of intimacy and financial conditions to decide whether to attend or not, and how much to give as a reasonable wedding gift. In case they do not attend, they should inform the host in advance to avoid wasting food.

Late last year, instead of holding a grand wedding, the couple Viet Anh, 28, from Kien An district, Hai Phong, prepared a few tables to invite relatives and close friends, and only texted to announce the wedding. This decision was made after the family was quoted 7 million VND per table.

"If we keep organizing it, my husband and I will definitely have to work hard to pay off the debt while the guests won't be happy either," Viet Anh said.