Husbands are given the "key to the treasure"

In the mind of Mr. Tran Van Quyen, 34 years old, in Hanoi, the monthly income of 35 million VND for the couple is enough for everything, including 3 million VND to support the husband's parents and 5 million VND to pay off the house loan.

Previously, his wife, Hoai Thi, managed the family finances and saved 5 million VND per month. "That's too little," he told his wife.

He often questioned her spending, blaming her for not keeping records and calculating, so she spent money on impulse. His wife almost cried many times when he questioned her, because she could not remember all the expenses. There was a time when she chose to transfer money to easily look up transactions, and when her husband asked, she opened it for him to see. "I didn't keep a secret fund or bring it to my parents' house, why are you asking?" she was annoyed.

''Not having a secret fund shows that you don't know how to spend money,'' Mr. Quyen said. After this statement, Hoai Thi decided to transfer all her finances to her husband, including savings, keeping only 3 million VND for gas, breakfast, and pocket money. If she needed to spend on any additional expenses, she asked him to transfer more.

Since that day, the husband became the "keeper of the treasure", also doing the daily grocery shopping and buying small items for the house to keep track of everything.

But Mr. Quyen's joy only lasted a few days. The 34-year-old man realized that hundreds of expenses had arisen, such as a medicine box for his child, a pair of slippers that suddenly broke, or while at work, his wife called to ask him to transfer 500,000 VND to replace a punctured tire.

The grocery budget was also beyond Mr. Quyen's control, because he not only had three meals a day, but also had to spend money on snacks for his children, funerals, weddings, and visiting sick people. After half a month, he was shocked to see that the amount of money spent was greater than his own monthly income.

"Okay, I'll pay you back," the husband said, but the wife did not agree and asked him to continue until the end of the month.

In the eyes of Ngoc Dung, 42 years old, in Phu Ly, Ha Nam, his wife is too stingy. Every month, Ms. Hanh collects almost all of his salary, but the whole month they only get to eat at home. In the evening, when the whole family goes out for a walk, they have to bring water and cannot buy it. In particular, traveling is not in her concept.

''Living like you is just existing'', he told his wife many times. During an argument because he went out drinking, Ngoc Dung brought up the matter of Ms. Hanh's stinginess. Ms. Hanh was frustrated, threw away her bank card, read her password and asked him to take care of all the household expenses until she finished her confinement. If he could take care of it, she would let her husband decide all the expenses.

That same night, Mr. Dung went to the market, brought back a bunch of delicious food, and after eating, invited the whole family to eat sweet soup and go for a walk. "I will show you how men can calculate," he told his wife. When he needed to buy a washing machine to prepare for his wife's birth, he chose the most expensive one. When the child wanted to eat delicious food, he took the whole family to restaurants, and occasionally drank beer with friends.

In more than half a month, the husband had spent all the money, even taking advantage of Ms. Hanh's savings for her pregnancy. The wife was shocked to discover that he had almost taken the family's savings and lent it to a new friend. "If I give my husband money, one day I will have no more bran to eat," Ms. Hanh said.

Financial expert Phan Dung Khanh, investment consulting director of Maybank Investment Bank and founding member of the Vietnam Association of Financial Managers, said that most men are not as good at managing family finances as women. ''Men can earn good money and excel in a certain field, but not many of them are as meticulous in managing family finances as their wives,'' he said.

Research by investment and financial management group Vanguard (Pennsylvania, USA) shows that, despite the difference in total value, the savings rate from personal income of women is still higher than that of men in the same income bracket.

In Vietnam, the majority of women are the ones who hold the “keys to the purse”, even in the top group in the Asia-Pacific region, according to a survey of 16 emerging countries by the MasterCard Alliance. More than 50% of Vietnamese women are the decision makers in all four main factors: monthly family financial management, monthly investment and savings, important purchasing decisions and children's education.

Family psychologist Hong Huong (Hanoi) believes that finances are one of the most important factors determining the durability of a marriage. Therefore, it is very tiring for a woman to have to work and manage her expenses in a limited economic situation, while being controlled or criticized by her husband like Ms. Thi and Ms. Hanh.

''Men are like a switch, only on and off, but women are like a dial, stressed and suppressed for a long time, they will explode, turning anger into a marital crisis,'' she said.

She believes that as soon as they start living together, couples should have frank and open discussions and agree on income and expenses. In case they need to tighten spending for a common goal, they should agree with their spouse so as not to make the other person feel controlled.

In case a couple has problems in managing their expenses, they should seek advice from an expert in this field or a relative with expertise. They should divide their income into different types of funds and agree on the amount to be poured into the fund to limit overspending and disagreement.

Although most Vietnamese women are "keepers of the finances", expert Phan Dung Khanh said that in reality, not all of them are good at managing expenses and men are bad at it. Currently, women go to work, have income but are busy with work, so there is a tendency that even if they are not pressured, many women still hand over financial management to their husbands. "There are many men who do this very well", Mr. Khanh said.

Thuy Vi, 32, and her husband are an example. Her husband, Huy, has a better income, but his wife still lets him manage the family finances. ''I realize that I am impulsive when it comes to shopping, while he is very disciplined in spending, so I let him manage the finances,'' said Thuy Vi, in Ho Chi Minh City.

She proactively put her salary into a joint account, made a spending plan for herself so that her husband could give her that amount, and he would take care of everything else, from daily living expenses to entertainment. ''I always list my own expenses very generously,'' she said. When he takes the initiative to spend, her husband becomes more responsible and tries harder to earn money to take care of the family.

Applying this method, Thuy Vi found that when she didn't have to manage finances, she had more time, was well taken care of by her husband, received many gifts, was less stressed and happier. ''The important thing is that her husband will stop nagging 'why did you spend so much money this month?''', she said.

After a month of taking care of the family finances, Ngoc Dung is looking for another job outside to increase the family savings and help his wife reduce stress. He also feels like a tenant in the marriage. Over the years, the family has had more worries, but he still thinks that the expenses are the same as when they first got married.

Ngoc Dung has stopped blaming his wife for "living just to survive". "I realized that with my income, just surviving is natural", the husband said.