For the elderly, a home is not only a place to live but also a place to live healthily and happily with their children and grandchildren. However, are grandparents comfortable and happy living with their children in an apartment?
Should we let grandparents choose their living environment or arrange and convince parents to move to the apartment with us?
Because he wanted to be close to his children and grandchildren, Mr. Huu Tam (65 years old) and his wife bought an apartment in District 7 (Ho Chi Minh City) with the money from selling their house in Lam Dong. He said: "When they knew about this, many people advised and even discouraged me. But for me, this was the right decision. If the children need anything, my wife and I are always willing. Every day we take them to school and take care of dinner in the afternoon."
According to Mr. Tam, each time they go to the doctor, it is quite close, they can take the bus there and back in just one session, without affecting their children's work. There are also groups of elderly people here with many activities such as playing sports, performing arts, and participating in neighborhood work, which is very fun. But in reality, not every apartment building has space and activities for the elderly.
Ms. Thanh Hien (68 years old, living in Tan Binh District, Ho Chi Minh City) said that she made a mistake when choosing an apartment to live in. 10 years ago, she sold her house and two hectares of garden land in Vinh Long to move to the city to buy an apartment to live with her only son.
The joy of reunion did not last long, she was disappointed because she could not adapt to the new place.
She said: "We are next door neighbors but we haven't said hello to each other for months. Sometimes when I go to take out the trash or go to the supermarket to buy something and forget to bring my card, I have a problem because I often forget the code, sometimes I can open it with my fingerprint, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't... I have to bother the management to open it for me, and they ask me to confirm it."
Many times she wanted to return to her hometown, but there was no house to return to. Her son was over 30 and still unmarried, so the apartment was always quiet. All day she was alone within the four walls because she did not dare to go far, afraid of causing trouble.
A few weeks ago, in the apartment building where I live, an elderly person had a stroke as soon as he stepped out of the elevator. Everyone took him to the hospital in time. After that, in the residents' chat group, everyone reminded each other that any household with an elderly person living alone should report to the management board and residents so they can keep an eye on him.
Although there are no complete statistics, in general, the number of elderly people living in apartments is increasing. They are the elderly who "move out" after selling their house and dividing the money among their children, retirees, and people who resettle after their old residences in projects are demolished. And there are also people who leave their hometowns to come here to look after their grandchildren and help their children...
Most of the elderly are mentally prepared to adapt to the living environment in an apartment. However, there are many inconveniences arising in daily life that make the elderly reluctant to step out of the four walls of the apartment.
Some of my friends are discussing whether they should move their parents to an apartment. Retired people spend most of their time at home, unlike young people who spend most of their time working and socializing.
Apartment space is limited but can still be arranged regardless of age. There comes a time when the elderly do not need too much space, they need a quiet environment, guaranteed security, diverse amenities and especially close to medical services.
Each person has their own situation and choice, but the important thing is that the opinions and spiritual life of the elderly are "forgotten". The main reason why most elderly people choose ground-level houses instead of high-rise apartments is that they can use more space where they live. I think parents should be allowed to choose where they spend their old age.
Don't leave parents alone in their children's homes. What do you think?
My brother and sister lived in an apartment. When my sister gave birth, my mother came from the countryside to help take care of the baby. The apartment was 60 square meters, and when she opened the door, she saw the neighbors' doors were always closed. Everyone was out all day, and when they met in the elevator, they rarely greeted each other because everyone was busy with their phones. My mother became more and more quiet, less talkative...
When the baby learned to walk, my brother and sister sent him to preschool early, and my mother packed up and went back to the countryside even though my brother and sister desperately wanted her to stay.
Now it's my turn to have a child. Mom packed her bags to go raise her grandchild, but she seemed to be in a bad mood, even though she tried to act normal. My mother is over 65 years old, still healthy, and in the countryside she grows vegetables and raises chickens, happily hanging out with the neighbors. Meanwhile, life in my apartment building is now more "digital" as my mother raises her first grandchild.
The older she gets, the more confused she becomes with the rules of the apartment building. She is often confused with electrical and water problems when she is home alone... She often looks out at the balcony and thinks far away. I understand that deep down, she is looking forward to the day she returns to her hometown to grow vegetables...
The most obvious thing is that if she stays with us, she can only talk to her relatives in the countryside over the phone. Guests from the countryside are also reluctant to visit the apartment in the city, if my mother does not return, we cannot meet again. My mother returns to the countryside, alone. But my sisters and I cannot invite her to stay with us because we know that she is very uncomfortable.
My mother missed her grandchildren so much that she tried to send them everything. During summer and Tet holidays, we took our children back to the countryside, and my mother took care of everything by herself. They talked and laughed happily when they came in and out. And she shook her head when we invited her to come live with us: "The older you are, the more you shouldn't live in an apartment, and even less so with people you know living in the countryside..."
Around me, there are still many grandparents living with their children and grandchildren in the apartment building. The grandmothers met each other at the slide where the children played together, talked about taking care of their grandchildren, and some women went for a walk together in their free time.
But this is a small number. The space and life in an apartment makes everyone stay at home, it is not convenient to stop by to say hello, let alone sit down and talk about old age. This is not something that all old people can easily adapt to.