Harmful effects of complaining about poverty to children

A mother in Shanghai, China recently shared her story on a parenting forum. She took her son to the park to play, and he really liked a horse in the toy store. The mother asked for the price and shook her head as soon as she got the answer.

"Mom, is this expensive?", the boy asked and urged repeatedly, "Mom, this is cheap, buy it." The mother was surprised that her son was so concerned about the price. Then she remembered, every time she went shopping, she would explain that whatever her son liked that she found unreasonable, "It's too expensive, I don't have enough money." Because she often heard this answer, her son seemed to have learned the lesson "Only cheap things can be bought, expensive things should not be asked for."

At the end of her story, the mother asked, is her way of teaching her children about money reasonable?

After the woman's post, many other parents shared similar stories. Some parents, when their children asked to buy something, would say, "Our family is poor and we don't have money to buy it," even though that wasn't the case. This person even thought of a way to pretend to borrow money so that the child would feel that the parents were really poor. After that, the child would become timid, self-conscious, and not dare to ask for what they wanted.

There are also parents who, when buying new clothes for their children, do not forget to remind them that the clothes their parents wore a few years ago are all cheap. The children are originally very happy, but when they hear this, they feel guilty, feeling that they are trampling on their parents to enjoy themselves.

"Although parents' intention is to teach their children a lesson about how hard it is to earn money, how to cherish it and not spend it recklessly, if they abuse it, it will have a negative impact on children's perception," said Chu Zhaohui, a senior researcher at the National Institute of Education Sciences of China.

According to Mr. Chu, when something is too difficult to achieve, children will forget its main meaning. For example, when children want to buy a toy with the hope of having fun, but no matter how hard they try, they cannot get that toy. Later, children will only focus on the toy and forget the original meaning of creating joy.

The same goes for money. Children who have difficulty meeting their material needs will develop an insecure mentality, wanting to have a lot of money but being afraid to spend it, and treating themselves badly. Furthermore, in their relationships with friends and colleagues later on, they will always appear stingy and not be respected by others because they care too much about money.

"Such children, when they grow up, are likely to become people who are overly greedy for money. They will even develop a sense of inferiority and fear of money," said Chu Zhaohui.

They will feel guilty about spending money and tend to hoard money at all costs to feel secure. In some cases, these children grow up to be hard-working people who earn money, even sacrificing time for their families, immersed in the desire for money but they never feel satisfied.

Peng Kaiping, a professor at Tsinghua University in China, once said, "Telling your children that your family is poor is the same as instilling a sense of deprivation." This feeling can hardly be eliminated by material abundance alone.

Poverty is not the greatest harm to children. But feelings of self-blame and guilt stemming from parents' misbehavior can be devastating to a child's psyche.

Therefore, parents' constant "complaining about poverty" will affect their children's lives, not only their relationship with money but also their relationship with the world later on.

So how to educate children so that they understand how to spend money early?

Teach children to believe they are worthy

If parents are financially able and willing to accommodate their children's requests, they should happily please them instead of saying, "This is too expensive, we can't afford it" or "Our family is very poor."

If you cannot afford it, tell your child the truth that it is not that you do not want to buy it, but that you cannot afford it at the moment. Let your child understand that even if their needs are not met, it is not their fault and they can still have it with effort in the future.

Teaching spending is also teaching about how to live.

In the book "Positive Discipline" it is mentioned that when children are 6 years old, parents must be conscious of letting their children manage their own money. For example, each week give children an allowance to buy stationery, snacks, toys. If children do not spend all of this money, they can put it in a piggy bank. If they spend it all early, they must know how to wait for the next installment. Children must be shown that not everything they want can be achieved immediately.

If children have experience controlling money from a young age, they will learn what to buy and what not to buy because it is a waste of money, or when to indulge themselves and when to learn patience.

"Education on how to live and how to spend money wisely is much more effective than lamenting about poverty and complaining all day long," said Chu Zhaohui.

Cultivate financial knowledge from an early age

Author Godfrey wrote in the book "Money Doesn't Grow on Trees" that children should have a solid understanding of money before the age of 12.

Accordingly, at the age of 8, children understand that working can earn money and have the awareness to save money; at the age of 9, they are able to plan their shopping, compare prices when buying things and make reasonable choices; at the age of 10, they are able to save money to prepare for future emergencies or to fulfill their desires; at the age of 11, they can recognize the truth from shopping advertisements instead of being urged to shop impulsively; at the age of 12, they can plan long-term spending and control their income and expenses reasonably.

If a child can form the right concept of money, he will be spiritually rich and independent, not led by money and prone to future crises.