Phrases parents should limit using with their children

Our grandparents have a saying: "Love with the rod, hate with the sweet". Perhaps this thinking is influenced by previous generations of parents, it is deeply ingrained in the subconscious so it is difficult to change or perhaps they themselves do not feel that they have done anything wrong to their children. However, causing harm to others with seemingly harmless words can cause children to carry psychological illnesses, affecting their growth process.

Here are some sentence structures that parents should eliminate from their vocabulary.

“Don't make your parents have to…!”

Every parent has at least once used threatening words to talk to their children. But when you have given your children warning words, you need to put your words into practice every time your children are stubborn and do not follow your parents' requests. If you do not do so, your children will easily realize that it is just a trick of yours and will not take your threats seriously anymore.

“Why do you always make me say it over and over again?”

Perhaps, any parent has used this exclamation in teaching their children. But these questions are completely meaningless. In fact, when adults complain, children often tend not to understand and even ignore it.

Instead, you should change the phrase to something like, “I know I've told you this many times before, but could you please…”

“You are so smart!”

Many people believe that praising children can boost their self-esteem. But in fact, psychologists believe that praising children can be quite negative, especially if the praise is about good qualities or aspects. As a result, children may lose the motivation to put in the appropriate effort to gain their parents' approval. In addition, when children are told that they are talented, they may lose interest in studying and working. They will also think why work hard when they are talented.

It's best to just praise your child for working hard.

“You are so funny!”

For children, adults are the people they can look to for validation of their feelings and experiences. So when you assume that what your child says is unreasonable or wrong, it can make them feel like they and their feelings don't matter.

If parents cannot understand why their child is behaving a certain way, ask them what is wrong, then try to recall a similar childhood experience to better understand and sympathize with their child.

“Don't make a big deal out of it.”

Even if it doesn't seem like a big deal to an adult, in a child's mind it may seem different. When a child is upset and crying and the parent tells the child it's not a big deal, the child may start to feel ashamed of his or her feelings and share less.

These words usually never help anyone, including children or adults.

"Quick"

Young children don't understand the concept of time very well. So asking them to hurry up won't help, it will only make them feel stressed and anxious. It's better to be specific and give them what to do next. It will relieve stress for both parent and child.

“When I was in school, my parents didn't like studying the subject...”

Sometimes parents simply tell stories and do not think about how their own attitudes towards a particular subject at school may influence their children. Children tend to copy their parents' behaviour, including their attitudes towards a particular subject. As a result, even if a child is gifted in mathematics, they may lose interest in the subject simply because of their parents' comments.

“I know you didn't mean to hurt him.”

Children can also experience strong negative emotions and act out of instinct. And they may feel that doing so is really good at the time. So when parents use this excuse, it is not really effective. You should help your child accept that negative emotions are not good and teach them how to control them.

“Did you have a good day at school?”

By asking this question, parents are expressing their expectations, like everything will be fine and wonderful. And when reality does not match expectations, a child will feel guilty about it, upset and withdraw.

“What happened to you?”

If this phrase is said in a cheerful tone, it is okay. But if a parent says this in an annoyed tone, “What’s wrong with you?” it makes a child feel that there is something wrong with their mere existence.

As a child grows up, if they are told that something is wrong with them, they will begin to believe it. And they will also begin to wonder if it is really true. These thoughts can end up in them having to see a therapist.

"My son didn't mean it"

Of course, every child needs support and protection from their parents. But when adults try to shield their children from every possible hardship, it can backfire in the long run.

Sometimes you have to let your child make mistakes or bad choices and take responsibility for them. Otherwise, the child may develop low self-esteem and they will always rely on others for support and not be able to solve their own problems.

“I don't know how to pay all these bills.”

You should not force your child to deal with your financial problems. They do not need to know about it and cannot help you. This will only make it harder for them to escape the anxiety around them.

“Stay here, I'm going home.”

Every parent has had to leave a playground or park when their child refuses to stop playing and continues to run around. However, threatening to leave your child behind can create a sense of insecurity in them. They suddenly realize that their parents can abandon them at any time in this scary and dangerous world. As they get older, these children make more mistakes in difficult and stressful situations.

“Stop being such a child.”

This is probably one of the worst things an adult can say. By doing this, parents invalidate their child’s feelings, which can lead to the child being reluctant to share their feelings with adults. It would be better to ask your child how they feel and why they feel that way.

“Sharing is caring”

Generosity is a wonderful quality. So some parents try to instill it in their children from a young age. But in their early years, children have absolutely no idea what empathy is and why they should share their toys with another child.

When you force your child to give away something they love, you put the wrong idea in their head. Like, if you want something, you just start crying. Or a child should give away whatever they are asked to.

According to VOV