Husband's worries

Ty and his wife owned a grocery store. One day, the husband came home from a trip and asked:
- Hey, where is the rotten ham?
- The house opposite is bought.
- What about the sausage that was gnawed by mice?
- That house is also bought.
- What about the old milk carton from last year that is expired?
- That house was also cleaned out.
Husband put his hands on his head:
- Oh no! I just ate at their house!

Time passes slowly

- Oh! For the first time I saw time passing slowly - a boy said to his friend.
- How can you see?
- Your genuine watch is being washed away by the water!
- !!!

The boss's eloquence

The secretary boasted:
- You know, my boss is a good speaker. Once he spoke for more than an hour without stopping and the workers applauded.
- It's nothing, my boss is not eloquent at all, at the meeting yesterday he only said a few sentences, but the workers clapped and cheered loudly.
- What did he say, propose a raise for workers?
- No, he resigned.

Wrong object reduction

A woman came to a beauty center for advice on how to lose weight quickly.
The doctor suggested that she take up sports and horse riding. A week later, the woman returned. The doctor asked:
- So, does horse riding help?
- Yes, my horse has lost 3 pounds.

Ask the right question

A boy bragged:
- Every time I go up to answer the questions, the teacher only asks one question and then lets me go home!
- So cool! What sentence?
- "How many times have you not learned your lesson?"

Honest

The lieutenant gathered the new platoon together:
- Before joining the army, did any of you drink alcohol?
All was silent. Finally, timidly, one person stepped out of line.
- Good! - said the lieutenant - You go to the wedding with me, the others stay!

HD(st)