The man who beat his wife day and night suddenly "reformed" miraculously

Beating wife just because… unhappy

Her parents died early, so through a matchmaker, Ms. Hoa (37 years old, Quynh Luong, Quynh Luu, Nghe An) met her current husband. He is 4 years older than her. In the first days of meeting, her husband appeared to be a gentle and hard-working person.

After more than 2 years of marriage, she began to realize that he was abusive and often drank. Every time he came home from drinking, he would slap her in the face for a few words. After being hit once, he would beat her whenever she opened her mouth to talk about drinking. She was once beaten and had to wear a cast for many days, unable to work to earn a living. Her face was often bruised.

Later, he didn't need to be drunk, just when he was in a bad mood, he would take his anger out on his wife and children. During the day, he refused to go to work, drank heavily, and then came home to quarrel with his wife and children. At night, while they were eating dinner, he would get angry and throw the tray out, curse, and beat his wife. Whenever his wife showed an uncooperative attitude, he would immediately attack. Every time like that, besides hugging and crying, Ms. Hoa didn't know what to do. Sometimes, when she saw him getting angry, she was so scared that she grabbed her child and ran out.

In addition, the daily farm work was not enough to cover expenses, and her children's education was still difficult, so she had to work hard as a hired hand everywhere. The money she earned, her husband took all the money to drink. Unable to support her financially, her husband was often violent. Ms. Hoa did not dare to speak out. But all the neighbors knew. She became a famous patient woman, and everyone felt sorry for her.

Many people advised her to leave her husband to free herself. There were times when she was so tired that she decided to break up, but he begged, flattered her with sweet words, and promised her all kinds of things. The woman who still loved her husband and cared for her homeless children eventually turned back, accepting to live her days in resignation because "it's good that he's not drunk, he still loves the children". For many years, Ms. Hoa was beaten and then recovered, accepting her marriage with her abusive husband.

Many former wife abusers join in active anti-violence propaganda

Mr. Ho Nguyen Tuan, Vice Chairman of the People's Committee of Quynh Luong Commune (Quynh Luu, Nghe An) said: "The reality of gender-based violence and domestic violence has long been occurring in society and in every family. In particular, violence against women and children tends to increase, cases of violence occur many times, over a long period of time, and are more dangerous... However, many people do not realize that they are living in a violent family, or take violent acts lightly, considering it normal, a private matter of each family."

In the spirit of fighting violence, Hagar International in Vietnam cooperated with Quynh Luu district to establish a Rapid Response Team to prevent and respond to gender-based violence.

As Head of the project management board, Mr. Tuan said that in nearly 3 years of implementation, the Rapid Response Team has achieved remarkable results.

Following the organization's instructions, the commune established a management board of 3 members, and a Rapid Response Team was established with 15 members. The members of the Team's management board include officials representing the government, departments, branches, and organizations from the commune to the village, and prestigious people in the community in the commune.

Over the past two years, members of the Rapid Response Team have visited 221 households at risk of violence, discovering dozens of households with violence. The locality also has a support plan and has consulted and proposed to the project to support 7 cases.

The rapid response team works with the media to help many people realize the serious consequences of violence, know their own wrongdoings, have a more tolerant, understanding and sharing perspective with their loved ones.

Sharing about the issue of domestic violence, Mr. Le Xuan Dong, Coordinator of the Gender-Based Violence Prevention Project, Hagar International in Vietnam, said that most of the victims of violence keep quiet and endure it. They not only consider it a private matter in their family and try to find a way to solve it themselves, but also because they are afraid that the matter will be "exposed", and the beatings will be more severe.

To help abusers and victims realize the seriousness of this, Hagar regularly organizes peer group sharing sessions so that couples can understand each other better and have the opportunity to bond and share.

“Changing violent behavior is not an overnight process. In fact, the organization has spent many years meeting, sharing, and reaching out to families with victims of violence to advise and give advice, helping them understand that they are living in a violent environment, gradually changing their perception of violence and changing themselves. However, to change the thinking and behavior of a person who has been violent must be a long-term, persistent process, without giving up. Our project continues to support similar situations, awakening the mindset of those who always consider wife beating as their own family's business,” Mr. Dong emphasized.

Knowing the situation of Ms. Hoa and Mr. Quynh, the commune cadre came to analyze and help Mr. Quynh understand that abusing his wife is wrong and violates the law.

Hoa and Quynh and some other households with violence are regularly visited, talked to, and analyzed for their wrongful acts of violence. Hagar Organization and the commune government have supported people with violence in difficult circumstances to develop their economy, helping them not to depend on their husbands as well as helping their families improve their quality of life, reducing factors that cause marital conflicts. Livelihood support such as: providing cows, providing mobile sales vehicles, etc.

When he had a job and the conditions to do business, Mr. Quynh, like many people who had the habit of beating their wives, became "busy", limiting drinking and causing violence. Mr. Quynh, an alcoholic, after having a better job, no longer had time to think about drinking, gradually becoming a husband who understood and loved his wife more. Some cases of alcoholism were supported to quit, return to normal life, and work hard.

“I regret ever beating my wife, now I really understand many things. When I meet other families, hear about violence, I gradually understand. Now I earn money every day, buy things for my children, see them happy, my wife and children happy, I am also very happy”, Mr. Quynh shared.

In addition, the government and the women's association of the commune also organized communication competitions on anti-violence work. Many members who had committed violent acts actively participated, had many good works, and won awards. When they were able to interact and openly say what was in their hearts, many peopleSatisfiedRealize your mistakes. The abuser regrets beating his wife and children, the abused person realizes that he has been too weak and submissive.

Over time, the men who had abused their wives developed a progressive outlook, became active members of the rapid response team, and contributed to the advocacy work. They told their stories of positive change to help families with violence change.

The story of the change of Hoa’s husband, Quynh, has become a source of inspiration in every media competition on violence. Quynh is now not only a caring and sympathetic husband but also an active member of the propaganda team on domestic violence.

(*) Character names are changed upon request.

According to Vietnamnet