Exhausted by the pressure of raising talented children

At 5 p.m. after work, Ms. Huyen, 40 years old, travels more than 10 km from her office in Tay Ho to My Dinh, to pick up her son Hai Nam, 8th grader, and her daughter, 4th grader, for extra classes. Nam takes extra classes 6 sessions a week in Math, Literature, Foreign Languages, and swimming, art, and English debate on weekends.

Her mother set a goal for her 4th grader to enter a high-quality middle school, so she also took extra classes at the center from Monday to Sunday, in addition to skills subjects. Work pressure and traveling all day on the road often made Ms. Huyen tired, exhausted, ate little, and slept poorly.

While his wife is responsible for taking care of the children, Toan, Huyen's husband, bears the pressure of being the breadwinner of the family. In addition to his main job at a media company, the man takes on two other "jobs", often staying up until 3am. The high intensity of work makes him always stressed and angry.

Recently, he has been worried and afraid that if he loses his job, his children's future will be "broken", because both husband and wife consider investing in education as the ultimate goal. "This ensures that my children have an advantage over their peers, helping them get good jobs, high incomes, and a stable life in the future", said Mr. Toan.

Wanting to rebalance his energy and emotions, he went to a specialist clinic for examination and was diagnosed with anxiety disorder with mild depression, needing medication and psychotherapy.

Ms. Minh, 36 years old, in Ho Chi Minh City also suffers from anxiety disorder because she has to "struggle" to raise three young children. Although her income is only average, she and her husband always try to send their children to extra classes and skill classes to have an outstanding advantage.

Despite being stressed and having poor sleep, Ms. Minh still tried to take on more work to increase her income and pay for her children's education. Eventually, the prolonged mental pressure caused her to increasingly suffer from insomnia, headaches, sweating, and a rapid heartbeat. She went to see a specialist and was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, requiring treatment with medication and psychotherapy.

A recent study by the American Psychological Association found that 48% of parents in the country said they were chronically stressed, often facing worries about money, safety, and struggling to sleep. In addition, they were worried about social media, electronic devices, as well as their children's mental health issues. Currently, Vietnam has no statistics on the stress of parents in raising children, but the numbers of mental disorders in adults are increasing.

In a recent post about parental mental health onNew York Times, Dr. Vivek H. Murthy, Surgeon General of the United States, acknowledged the reality: "Raising children today is too difficult and stressful." Parents face many expectations from society that force them to spend more time and money educating and nurturing their children.

This pressure partly comes from the fear that if children are not given every advantage possible, they will be left behind and unable to have a fulfilling life, especially in a context where machines are gradually replacing humans. On the other hand, parents face both invisible and visible pressure from comparing their children on social networks or from prejudices about raising children according to social standards.

Sharing the same view, Master of Clinical Psychology Vuong Nguyen Toan Thien, Professional Director of Lumos Counseling and Psychotherapy Center, said that many parents have to "struggle" to raise their children, causing chronic stress. This is a state of prolonged stress, often caused by persistent events such as unemployment, physical or mental abuse, marital conflict, or other pressures. Symptoms of chronic stress can last for months or years and are difficult to treat completely. If not managed, chronic stress can lead to serious illnesses such as mental disorders, other physical illnesses, etc.

In fact, many parents have to work overtime or find additional jobs to meet their living needs, leading to an inability to balance work and family, causing exhaustion. When unexpected events such as bankruptcy, unemployment, illness, or the death of a loved one occur, shock can easily occur, leading to the onset of mental illness. In addition, for those who have had some psychological problems since childhood, raising children can make the condition worse.

Mentally unstable parents not only develop illness, affecting their own ability to work, maintain emotional and social relationships, but also directly impact the development of their children. Children with parents with mental health problems may face increased risks, including current and future symptoms of depression and anxiety.

To limit this situation, experts advise that it is extremely important for parents to know how to take care of themselves. They should spend time on their physical and mental health through exercise, healthy eating, and adequate sleep. They can apply stress management techniques such as meditation, yoga, or participate in recreational activities to maintain a positive mentality.

"Setting realistic expectations about parenting will help reduce stress and feelings of failure, as no one is a perfect parent," the expert says, while also communicating openly with your children, creating a comfortable environment for them to explore what they love.