Parents don't be your children's servants!

The two sisters had just exchanged a few words when Hung - Lan's eldest son - came out of the room. He greeted me and then turned to his mother and asked:

- Mom, where is my coat?

Hearing her son's question, Lan quickly stood up and ran to find him, then brought out a shirt to put on him. After looking at him with pride, she returned to her seat. Before his mother could sit down, the boy spoke harshly:

- Oh, why did you forget to polish the white shoes I told you to polish yesterday? What are you wearing?

- Oh no, I forgot! Wait a minute!

Lan ran out again, diligently cleaning her son's shoes, while the boy stood watching his mother work, grumbling constantly about being late for school. When the boy left, she explained to me:

- Everything is up to you, Mom. If I'm away for a day, the house will be in chaos. Mom will take care of all his clothes and books.

I was surprised and asked how old Hung was this year. Lan said:

- I'm only 15 years old! I'm still very naive. I don't know how to do anything.

I pondered for a moment and then gently said to my brother-in-law:

- I know, you may have your own opinion, maybe for you taking care of your children is your happiness. But in my opinion, you are turning yourself into your child's maid and causing him to never grow up because he cannot be independent and self-sufficient in everything.

Lan smiled:

- I'm still young, and he studies all day, it's very hard, and I have free time, so I consider taking care of my husband and children as my duty. Eventually, they got used to it! Now I can't go anywhere. That's when I realized I'm quite important!

- Oh no! You have to stop thinking like that! You are a wife and a mother, not a maid! It is true that women have to take care of the family and do housework, but the personal matters of their husbands and children should be left to them!

Hearing me say that, Lan smiled:

- Oh, I had to get the socks from the father and son, otherwise I would have searched the house all day and not found them because only I would know where they were when I cleaned them up!

I felt both pity and anger for my sister-in-law. I said that Lan needed to change her thinking and teach her to be independent, self-reliant, and take care of herself.
- I can't live for you, and I can't be your maid forever. I'm not loving you the right way. Don't let you still be a child when you get married.

Just then, Lan's husband came home from work and heard what I said. Thanh smiled:

- Luckily, I had your words, otherwise she would always nag me about not loving our child! My husband and I often disagree about how to raise our child, and we get angry and tired, so I just ignore it. But if you think about it, she takes on everything and takes care of everything, so my child and I are "unemployed".

Lan turned to glare at her husband and said:

- Don't be so proud! Without me, who would serve you, wash your clothes, clean the house, and take care of you and your children? Don't raise your voice!

At this point, I knew why I was so busy that I couldn’t go back to my brother-in-law’s hometown to attend her wedding. No wonder my husband once said, “When Lan got married, she lost all her relatives and siblings.”

That night, as the two sisters lay side by side, I carefully confided in Lan that parents need to be consistent in teaching their children and accompanying them on their path to adulthood. Don’t let the reason that your children are busy studying make you “serve them all the time”, serving them to the teeth. Because if this situation continues for a long time, it will become a habit. I also analyzed to Lan that if children learn to be independent, parents will be assured of their life skills when unforeseen situations arise.

At first, Lan still made excuses, but when I told her what my husband had said, she seemed to be deep in thought. Taking advantage of the situation, I immediately said to Lan:

- I told her not to be angry, good parents must help their children form an important awareness, that is, each person must live their own life. No one can live for anyone else. Parents cannot do things for their children, live for them. Of course, at first there will be difficulties, but gradually, children will learn how to make decisions and take responsibility for their decisions.

Then I told Lan about the children in the countryside, they still study well and still know how to help their parents with everything, from housework to gardening and farming, they also know how to take care of themselves. Therefore, when parents go far away, they don't have to worry about their children at home going hungry or cold. Lan listened quietly, then whispered:

- Actually, at first, I just thought that doing it for my children would be faster and more convenient, saving me time from having to give orders and instructions, and sometimes having to deal with the consequences when my children didn't do what I wanted. So... Luckily, you gave me your advice, otherwise I would have kept making mistakes! From tomorrow, I will talk to my husband and children, organize and rearrange everything. If there is anything, please give me some advice!

TRAN THUY LINH