Half gone

Two women sat complaining to each other about their husbands' bad habits. One woman spoke up:

- My husband used to be a heavy smoker, but he has quit half of it now. He only smokes half as much as before.

The other woman said sadly:

- My husband has also given up half of his vices.

- Why are you still sad?

- He gave up drinking; he gave up men; he gave up gambling…; do you find that sad?

Mother care

The baby sat in his mother's lap and babbled:

- Mom, when you're old, I will take care of you. All week, I will take you to many beautiful places, eat lots of delicious food, buy lots of nice clothes...

- You don't go to work all week? Where do you get money to support me?

- I get my salary from my card, mom!

Healthiest

Cu Ty came home from school and bragged to his father:

Dad, I'm the strongest in class.

- Really, why do you think so?

- Because the teacher said you are holding the whole class back by yourself...

Reason for price increase

After pulling the boy's tooth, the dentist turned to the mother and said:

- I'm sorry, but you have to pay 400,000 VND to pull out this tooth of your child.

- What's wrong? Didn't the doctor just say that pulling a child's tooth only costs 100,000 VND?

- Yes, but did you see that because your son screamed too loudly, the 3 children whose parents brought them here to have their teeth pulled were so scared that they all went home...

Who is the fastest?

Three boys challenged each other to see whose father was the fastest. The first boy said:

- My dad is the fastest runner. He shoots an arrow and reaches the target before the arrow.

Second boy:

- My dad is a hunter. He accidentally shot his hunting buddy but still managed to run to pull him out of the way.

Third boy:

- What's the big deal? My dad works in an office. He finishes work at 5pm and he's home by 4:15pm.

Appease

After baking a batch of cakes, Lan complained to Dao:

- I really hate myself, Dao!

- Don't be sad, you're not alone, because… there are many people out there who are bored with you!

Whisper!

A little boy went to church with his mother. Suddenly, he had to pee so he said to his mother:

- Mom, let me pee!

The mother looked serious:

- You are not allowed to say the word “pee” in church. Next time you feel sad, say you want to “whisper,” that would be more polite.

The following week, the boy went to church with his father and he again had to pee. He said to his father:

- Dad, I want to "whisper".

The father nodded:

- Okay. Whisper in my ear!