The suffering of "old father and young son"

"I am the hope of my family when I have a son to continue the family line and for my parents to have someone to take care of them when they get old," said Liu Yuheng, 30, an IT engineer in Wuhan, Hubei province.

Luu realized that he did not receive much attention and love from his parents. But throughout his 30 years of life, no matter what he chose, this man had to ask himself, "If I choose this job, will I have time to take care of my parents?"; "If I move to another province, who will take care of my parents?" The parents are old, the generation gap is too big, so they cannot give their youngest son appropriate advice and guidance at important times in his life.

Liu began to feel alienated from his parents when he was abused by a classmate in elementary school. The 9-year-old boy did not dare tell his parents because he knew his parents would judge him, "There's no smoke without fire, you must have done something to make that person act like that."

Over the next 10 years, Liu gave up his chances of pursuing graduate studies and working in a big city because his parents were too old and needed someone to be by his side. But what made the 30-year-old man feel most disappointed was that he had no common topic to talk to his parents about.

Liu always felt that their relationship was like that of a grandparent and grandchild. He recalled that when he was young, he asked his parents for help many times because he was not good at making friends, but they always gave him perfunctory advice. When he registered for university, because his elderly parents did not know how to access the Internet, Liu had to rely on himself. After graduating and starting a business, his father often criticized his son for "not knowing how to use his brain to remember the way and only relying on the navigation system" whenever he drove.

Xi Tai, who lives in Hunan, feels the same way as Liu Yu Heng. She is the only daughter in her family, born when her mother was 42 and her father was 45. When she was 12, Xi Tai's mother got cancer and passed away.

At that time, although young, Hi Thai was always worried about her father's health, afraid that one day he would suddenly pass away. During her time in college, although she lived far away, she always came home once a week. Her friends constantly teased her, but Hi Thai did not want to explain much. "I did not want others to look at me with sympathy," she said.

Although she often returns home, Hi Thai still calls her father every day to remind him to take care of his health. A few years ago, when her father was sick, she skipped school to take him to the doctor. At that time, the doctors thought she was the patient's niece and asked to see an older member of the family.

Sometimes Hi Thai dreams that if her mother had not died early, she could have lived a carefree life in college like most of her friends, occasionally traveling on her days off. But now, all her free time is spent at home taking care of her elderly father.

Last year, Hi Thai's father fell ill again, and despite receiving treatment in many places, there was no improvement. There was a time when he refused to go to the hospital to reduce the pressure on his daughter, but she said, "As long as there is a father, there is a home," so her father reluctantly continued treatment. In her final year of college, Hi Thai gave up her dream of graduate school to stay home to take care of her father.

Data released by the National Bureau of Statistics of China shows that the age at which women give birth to their first child has increased by two years in the past 10 years, and the trend continues. According to a report by the Economic Intelligence Service, the age at which Chinese women give birth to their first child increased from 24.3 in 2006 to 26.9 in 2016. In some localities, such as Chongqing, the age at which women give birth to their first child exceeded 28 in 2023, four years higher than the recommended age.

A sociologist from Renmin University of China said that the consequences of having children late not only affect health but also impact the child's psychology when they grow up.

"The main reason why parents and children often have difficulty maintaining a harmonious relationship is the generation gap," he said.

According to experts, this gap reflects different experiences, values, and expectations shaped by different eras. Parents have a wealth of knowledge and wisdom gained from their own life journeys, while adult children acquire new perspectives influenced by modern society. These contrasting perspectives can sometimes create friction, misunderstandings, and a sense of disconnection.

This year, Liu Yu Heng is 30 years old, while his father is 80 and his mother is 78. Previously, they paid little attention to their youngest child's marriage, but in the past two years they have been constantly urging them to get married because they are afraid they won't be able to wait until the day they hold their grandchild.

Not wanting to be imposed on, Liu repeatedly introduced to his parents modern marriage models among young Chinese people such as DINK (two income, no children) or lifelong celibacy. His parents naturally could not accept this thinking because in their view, the main function of marriage is to maintain the family line.

Even though he disagreed, Liu did not want to argue with 80-year-olds.

"The generation gap due to the large age difference makes me always considered the obedient one." Whenever talking about her parents, Vu Hang never has a relaxed tone.

According to this man, if he had been born earlier or his parents were younger, the generation gap would have been narrowed, and then all conflicts would have had hope of being resolved.