People who choose a childless lifestyle

In their frequently redecorated apartment in Ho Chi Minh City, for 11 years now, Le Ngoc and his wife have enjoyed life as just the two of them.

They can curl up and sleep in or argue until 2am. The kitchen corner is where Ngoc indulges her passion for cooking, and is also a home studio for her husband to take pictures of his wife.

"For us, marriage is to be together, to do the things we love, not traditionally to have children, buy a house or a car," said Le Ngoc, 34 years old.

Together, they have published three books and undertaken numerous travel and culinary projects. The blog "House of Two" is where they share their free, liberal lifestyle with over half a million followers.

In Hanoi, Thu Uyen and her husband's 7-year marriage also has no children. They are not interested in having children despite their financial situation.

Uyen's husband works in the gaming industry, while she works for a foreign company. "We find having a child a very heavy responsibility and more tiring than fun," said the 32-year-old woman.

As the eldest child in the family, Uyen said she hates it when parents give birth to their children according to their wishes but expect the eldest child to be a good example and give in to the younger ones. Growing up with the feeling of being "the extra one" in the family has shaped this point of view in Uyen.

Her husband's family supported Uyen's decision, but her own mother and some people around her objected. "We were labeled as 'selfish', 'unfilial', 'different' because of our childless lifestyle," she shared.

The "no children" trend is spreading in many countries with concepts such as DINKs (Double Income, No Kids), DINKWAD (double income, no children, dog) or Childfree (no children).

A few days ago on the social network Threads, the account Quinn Nhu shared her views on not having children, attracting nearly 200,000 views with nearly 1,000 comments. Many people shared their experiences of being in long-term relationships or married but still not intending to have children.

Sharing about Childfree by TikTok account Ý Mi Lan in June 2024also attracted more than half a million views with hundreds of comments sharing the same opinion.

In Vietnam, a number of statistical surveys by the Ministry of Health concluded that "the trend of not wanting or having very few children has appeared in some urban areas - places with developed economic conditions".

This situation is believed to have contributed to Vietnam's fertility rate in 2023 falling to 1.96 children - the lowest level ever and below the replacement level of 2.1 children.

Ho Chi Minh City is leading the country with a birth rate of 1.32 and is also the locality with the highest average age of first marriage in the country, at 30.4. To improve the birth rate, the Ho Chi Minh City Department of Health recently issued a draft to reward 3 million VND to people who give birth to two children before the age of 35.

As someone who pursues a childless lifestyle, The Anh, 29 years old, in District 8, Ho Chi Minh City, explains that it is because he "does not like children, nor does he want to be bound by children".

The e-commerce entrepreneur showed his determination by getting a vasectomy two years ago. His partner since high school decided not to have children after hearing the story of her mother almost losing her life giving birth to her. "Thinking about my wife having pre- and post-natal problems, postpartum depression, or body image issues, I don't want to have children even more," he said.

Sociology professor Hoang Ba Thinh, Hanoi National University, said the trend of not having children has appeared in the world since the 1990s, and is currently popular in Western and Asian countries such as Korea, China, and Japan.

"In Vietnam, the trend of getting married late, having fewer children and delaying childbirth is more evident than not having children at all," the expert said. "But my prediction is that by 2040-2050, the DINK model will be popular in Vietnam, but not as fast and as much as in the West."

According to Mr. Thinh, this lifestyle is concentrated among young urban people; especially modern, educated women with high self-reliance. Statistics from the General Statistics Office also show that the higher the level of education of women, the lower the birth rate. Women in the "richest" group have the lowest birth rate.

"The most important reason behind this trend is the economics of childcare, such as the high cost of raising children, the time and effort required to care for them, and the impact on career advancement," the expert said.

In psychology, “life strategies” are divided into two directions: fast and slow. Fast people tend to prioritize quantity over quality, such as marrying early and having many children - a common response in high-risk, resource-limited contexts, such as after war or epidemics. Slow life strategies, on the other hand, focus on long-term benefits, such as the tendency to marry later, have fewer children, and invest more in raising them.

"The DINK lifestyle also reflects this trend, because couples have a lot of pressure to worry about, from economics, time, mobility and even mental health risks," said Nguyen Thanh Minh, a psychology researcher at UCLouvain University (Belgium) and lecturer at Hoa Sen University.

According to psychologists, raising children is considered a meaningful journey for marriage and each person's life. But this journey also brings a lot of stress, anxiety and exhaustion.

A study in 42 countries, including Vietnam, showed that the rate of parental burnout in Vietnam is 1%, while in European countries it is 5-7%. Another recent study in Poland, Germany, and the US found that 5-8% of parents said they regretted having children.

"It is clear that a couple choosing the DINK lifestyle is not because they are selfish, but depends a lot on the safety of having children," said Mr. Minh. "In a broader sense, the problems of late marriage age and declining birth rates or delaying having children in Vietnam today are due to those individuals not feeling safe enough."

But experts agree that lifestyles are subject to change, and that resources and risks are not constant. To stem the decline in population, the government needs to have more policies to promote births, health care, education, and child-rearing.

Mr. Minh and his colleagues are also working on many programs to support skills for marital relationships, training in parenting skills, or programs to prepare new couples for parenthood.

"In the future, when resources grow and risks decrease, DINK may no longer be an option for these couples," said the psychologist.

This is also what Le Ngoc and her husband are aiming for. She shared that many of her friends have been married for many years and have children after the age of 35 because they have enough money, time and intelligence to raise the child in the best way. Others have also stopped at one child and are considering adopting more children instead of having more.

"We don't mind having children late or adopting children," she said, adding that both families supported her choice, even though Ngoc is an only child in a Southern family and her husband grew up in a rural area in the North.

During a recent visit home, Thu Uyen's mother complained that "the neighbors laughed at her because she was 60 years old and still had no grandchildren." She kept quiet, but thought "I wouldn't trade my life just so that my mother wouldn't be laughed at by others."

"I still have wounds that have not healed, things that I have not thought through, and I feel that I am not good enough to take care of a child," she said. "Many people say that having a child will make everything okay, but I never want a child to be a test."