How to deal politely with talkative people

Talkative people are defined as people who lack inhibitory control due to loss of "frontal lobe function", causing them to ramble, go off-topic, talk about irrelevant information, and repeat themselves over and over again without being aware of their behavior.

A 2016 study by scientist Esther Giroldi and colleagues at Maastricht University, Netherlands, sought to find effective solutions to deal with talkative people.

One of them is based on understanding the causes of talkativeness and the other three strategies are based on damage control.

Make the other person feel safe

According to Susan Krauss Whitbourne, professor of Psychological and Brain Sciences at the University of Massachusetts Amherst, USA, people who talk too much may feel anxious about the situation they are in, or perhaps they are really lonely and this is the first opportunity they have to share after a long period of silence.

So make them feel safe and comfortable. Do what you can to make them feel heard. Ask questions, smile, share your ideas and opinions. By listening and really engaging in the conversation when you have time, you show that you really value them, rather than trying to interrupt them.

Interrupting or putting others down can be embarrassing, so show empathy and a sense of humor when you interrupt. If you have to stop them, say something gentle like, "I'd love to talk to you, but I have to go now" or "Sorry, I don't have time to talk anymore, I'm in a hurry."

Set a time limit for the conversation

Don't tell the person to shut up, simply see if you can restrain them. Be patient but firm with your boundaries.

Most talkative people will respect your boundaries if you make your requests clear. You can gain more control over the conversation by being upfront about how much time you have at the beginning, such as saying, “I have five minutes before the meeting.” If you’re put on the defensive, such as not knowing that the other person is a talkative type, you can interrupt and suggest another time to talk. This way, you’ll be able to continue the conversation at your own pace.

Tactfully suggest they change their behavior.

Remember, the person has been doing this for years and they won't change just because you ask them to. So, gently suggest that they gradually change their behavior. You can remind them of the harm that talking too much causes to you and others.

In public, it's important not to put someone down for talking too much. You can subtly redirect talkativeness. For example, in a meeting, if someone is talking too much and rambling, you can proactively remind them, "Thank you for bringing up so many great ideas. Let's stop for a moment and let Ms. C give her feedback."