5 expectations to "extinguish" before getting married

“There are a lot of common misconceptions about marriage, and many couples are unprepared for how to deal with the realities of marriage,” Courtney Cope, a marriage and family therapist who works on the BetterHelp platform, tellsfortune.com.

According to her, instead of striving for a fairy tale romance, it is important for couples to have the same perspective on how to deal with the ups and downs that occur in marriage.

Below, Cope points out the most common myths about marriage and shares tips for dispelling them.

Marriage will solve all your problems

Many people enter marriage believing that it will magically solve their personal or emotional problems. However, marriage itself cannot resolve deep-seated personal challenges or unresolved conflicts.

“It is essential to maintain the ability to self-care and address personal growth independently, alongside the support of a relationship,” says Cope.

Instead of hoping for the impossible, get back to reality. To avoid idealizing your marriage, Cope recommends that couples openly discuss and adjust their expectations of the relationship, while acknowledging that any marriage requires constant work, growth, and adaptation.

“Realize that challenges are normal in any relationship and there will be ups and downs along the way,” says Cope.

We will be together forever

Every relationship faces challenges, conflicts, and ups and downs. Expecting a permanent state of happiness can lead to ultimate disappointment.

Therefore, couples need to realize that a fulfilling marriage requires effort and constant adaptation if they hope to be together for a long time.

Instead of getting caught up in perfection, Cope advises couples to acknowledge that each person has their own perspective as well as different strengths and benefits to the relationship.

The other party must meet all your needs.

Relying solely on your spouse for emotional fulfillment, happiness, intellectual connection, and all other needs in life is a one-way ticket to resentment and placing undue burdens on your marriage.

Stop daydreaming and focus instead on maintaining healthy relationships with family and friends outside of your spouse. This is important for any marriage.

“You should maintain a balanced sense of self, cultivate diverse sources of support, and engage in personal interests and activities outside of the relationship,” says Cope.

Love is enough

Love is certainly an important foundation for a healthy marriage, but it is not the only ingredient.

Maintaining a fulfilling partnership requires effective communication, mutual respect, trust, shared values ​​and positive effort from both partners.

Love alone cannot solve fundamental issues of compatibility or ignore other important aspects of a relationship.

“If you love someone and they don’t progress, find personal meaning in life and build their own happiness, it’s going to be a challenge for the love to be strong enough to sustain a lifetime of happiness together,” Cope said.

There are a number of ways to focus on personal growth including finding a new hobby, making new friends, and starting a new exercise regimen.

Marriage should always be easy

Expecting a smooth and easy journey without any challenges can lead to frustration and a sense of failure when difficulties arise.

In fact, couples need to realize that overcoming obstacles and growing together as a new couple is a normal part of the marriage journey. It helps promote resilience and happiness.

While conflict is inevitable, how you deal with it is up to you. Effective communication and conflict resolution skills are essential to any relationship.

It can also be helpful to take a 20 to 45 minute break in separate rooms and then meet again when you're both calmer and have had time to reflect on what you really want to say instead of immediately blaming each other.