Multi-Pillar House

My friend's sister is the economic pillar of the family because she has a better income than her husband. He works in a government agency, she works outside the home. The family's common fund is managed by him, including savings, investments and cash.

At home, her husband cleans the house and washes the dishes, while she cooks and does the laundry. They often buy each other clothes, shoes, and personal items as gifts for fun.

When one of them goes on a business trip, the person at home prepares the traveler's suitcase. This unwritten division of labor has been in place since the day they got married.

March 8 and October 20 are opportunities for agencies and organizations, through the media, to send out messages promoting gender equality. I think your family could be a worthy image to create a simple and effective way to visualize gender equality.

In all offices, residential areas and families on this occasion, flowers, gifts and parties to celebrate Women's Day are everywhere with winged wishes such as beauty and happiness.

It is not difficult to come across articles about the causes and consequences of gender inequality and the disadvantages that women have to endure. Many figures from surveys and studies are also published. Men are considered to be the ones who need to change their awareness and behavior.

Many communication and education programs through training sessions, propaganda, leaflets, posters and banners of social organizations and unions are also implemented in a similar way.

However, I always wonder: how many men actually receive (remember) this propaganda and educational information to change their own perception and behavior?

Studies in psychology and education have shown that people only really listen and remember what is easy to hear and what they want to hear; at the same time, they refuse to accept unfavorable information using many psychological defense mechanisms such as denial/rejection, avoidance, rationalization or counter-reaction (according to the psychoanalytic theory of neurologist and psychologist Sigmund Freud) to "protect" themselves.

Psychological defense mechanisms occur unconsciously with the "output" being forgetting (not being able to recall what was heard), avoidance or blame.

The fact that men in offices, residential areas and each family enthusiastically organize celebrations, give flowers and gifts to women on March 8 and October 20 may also be just a psychological defense mechanism, a fake move to distract women's attention from the reality of gender inequality that exists.

After two days of women being "treated like eggs and treasured like flowers", everything returned to its original state of inequality.

In addition, communication and education programs on gender equality also fall into the "seesaw trap". Being too biased towards mechanically enhancing the role and status of women and forgetting the important factor of equality based on biological sex differences will lead to extreme feminism and anti-feminism. The seesaw is never balanced and always tilts to one side.

Recently, International Men's Day on November 19 has gradually received more attention from society. The role and contribution of men to the formation, existence and development of human society are recognized and respected.

In particular, the difficulties and pressures that men face throughout their lives due to socially assigned roles that predispose them to mental health problems are well known.

In many offices and homes, there are also flowers, gifts and good wishes for men on this day.

But, according to the way the psychological defense mechanism in each person works as mentioned above, will women accept this information when they think they are the weak ones, the victims and freeze all their senses?

Talking about the effectiveness of propaganda and education, I think of a mobile media vehicle running through the streets. When the vehicle passes by, what each person hears is only a few broken sentences of a piece of information and it is almost impossible to fully understand the knowledge, skills and messages that the radio content writer has painstakingly prepared.

The effectiveness of traditional communication as I just mentioned will be equally low. Messages will have difficulty reaching men to change their perceptions and behaviors.

However, it is not all about doing things differently. The title “house with many pillars” that I have given to this article is the name of a social media campaign on gender equality carried out by an international organization with an office in Vietnam.

"A house with many pillars" implies that regardless of gender, anyone can be the breadwinner of the family, as long as that role is suitable for each person and is recognized and respected by the rest.

This approach highlights the roles of both genders as well as individuals, without denying one gender to affirm the other, through stories that transcend gender stereotypes in a non-judgmental spirit.

Back to the story of my friend’s family. Her father-in-law plays a very important role in the family that neither she nor her husband can do. He knows how to fix all the electrical, plumbing and electronic systems in the house.

Many pillars like that family, will surely be very strong and happy.