Generation that refuses to take care of grandchildren

Kristjana Hillberg, 33, said her grandmother always took care of her and her brother when her parents were away. But with three children, Hillberg could not ensure that both sets of parents would take care of the children when they needed them.

"If we want to leave our kids with grandparents, we have to tell them months in advance and of course avoid their travel plans," Hillberg said.

Hillberg isn’t alone in lacking parental support. It’s a reflection of a changing generational landscape, with Boomers — those born between 1946 and 1964 — saying they don’t have time to care for their grandchildren because of their busy schedules.

Boomers are spending more on travel and dining out, according to Bank of America’s May 2023 report on consumer spending habits. Federal Reserve data also shows that this group owns $78 trillion in assets, accounting for nearly half of the country’s total assets.

In contrast to the comfortable mentality of being busy spending money, the children of this generation, those belonging to Gen Y and Gen Z, feel left behind.

Leslie Dobson, a psychologist in Los Angeles, says many of her young clients are dealing with feelings of resentment toward their parents. “Most of them are rejecting the way the previous generation did things,” Dobson says. “Single parents describe feeling abandoned because their parents chose to live separate lives instead of meeting and building relationships with their children.”

Experts say what Gen Y wants is regular, stable support. Childcare is considered expensive, stressful and requires a reliable, willing support person, and grandparents are the most reliable option.

But from the perspective of the Baby Boomer generation, they believe their choice is justified because they have spent 3/4 of their lives earning money and raising children.

“At this age, they’re thinking, ‘What do I have to do to make the rest of my life meaningful?’” Dobson said. She also said she understands the Boomer generation’s existential crisis well, as her father, Ted Dobson, a 71-year-old retired business owner, recently left his hometown to move to an upscale neighborhood in Mexico.

This decision made the daughters feel unhappy, because since getting married, they had imagined their grandfather would always be there to love and support their grandchildren's education.

But Ted says it was the right choice and deserves to spend some of his own money. The 71-year-old also says he has done a lot to help his children, including providing financial support for most of their lives.

"They complain that their parents don't help them, but they still get nanny support, whereas my wife and I didn't have anyone. They also get to drive expensive SUVs," Ted said. He also affirmed that settling in Mexico does not mean cutting ties with his children and grandchildren.

According to the CDC, Baby Boomers are now the oldest grandparents ever, as young couples delay having children. In 1970, the median age of first-time mothers was 21.4; by 2000, it was 27.2 and rising. The prospect of caring for grandchildren is becoming less appealing to this generation as their health declines.

Additionally, Leslie Dobson said that Gen Y today has a different perspective on parenting than their parents. As a result, their parents’ advice and experiences may no longer be relevant or necessary. This leaves many older adults feeling redundant or conflicted.

"Because from the perspective of the younger generation, the Boomer generation is very harsh and not good at raising children. They themselves value gentle methods of educating children, avoiding causing harm to them," the expert said.

Daniel Cox, director of the nonprofit Center for American Life, which studies changes and developments in American culture, agrees.

Cox says that in the past, new parents relied on the oral experience of older generations to form their child-care knowledge. But today's younger generation relies on the Internet.

"There is a multi-billion dollar industry providing and equipping knowledge and information about parenting methods. They are also not as dependent on their parents as previous generations," the expert said.