Consequences of unhappy marriage

Accepting "white marriage", a life without sympathy and sharing, in the long run will not only harm them but also their children.

Accept

Married for more than 16 years, but for about 6-7 years now, Mr. NVH and Ms. PTY (Hai Duong City) have been living apart. Although they live in the same house, they do not talk to each other, do not share personal work with each other, do not need to inform each other where they go or what they do. At mealtimes, if they are home, they eat, if not, they do not have to wait, each person washes their own clothes, each person takes care of their own family matters. The only link connecting the two is their daughter who is in 11th grade. However, every time they talk, they are quite sparing with words or text messages.

Sharing the reason for accepting such a life, Mr. H. said it was for his child. His child is at a "rebellious" age, if not closely monitored, or if he is strongly psychologically affected, he can develop negativity and do bad things. He always wants his parents to be happy and joyful, so he cannot bear to see his child sad. "When he grows up and knows how to think more, I will analyze it for him to understand and sympathize with his parents," Mr. H. said.

Knowing that life is not happy, Ms. VTN in Van To commune (Tu Ky) still accepts to live with Mr. HVH. Ms. N. said that the two got married when they were old, so they did not have much time to understand each other. When living together, each person had different views, habits, and interests, and there were points that could not be reconciled. Many times, Ms. N. also confided and shared work and family matters with her husband, but Mr. H. brushed her aside, did not pay attention, or did not support what Ms. N. did. He did not tell her where he went or what he did, or when he went far away, he only called to ask about his two children but not his wife. Gradually, it became a habit, Ms. N. withdrew, not seeking support or sharing from her husband. “Many times, I felt suffocated in life because there was no one to share and confide in. There were times when I thought about divorce, but I could not find a valid reason. Besides, if they get divorced, the children will suffer. They have a father but no mother and vice versa, so they have to endure it silently," said Ms. N.

Consequences

The development of society also causes many conflicts in married life. There are conflicts that are not dramatic or serious, but they smolder, accumulate, and accumulate over time, making life suffocating and unhappy. The causes of this situation are due to disagreements in lifestyle, cultural differences, educational differences, economic difficulties, quick love, hasty marriage, domestic violence, lack of behavioral skills...

If a marriage is not happy but many people still choose to maintain it, this is not an effective solution. According to Ms. Nguyen Phuong Lan, Department of Culture and Family Management (Department of Culture, Sports and Tourism), marriage must be built on the foundation of love, sharing, empathy, connection and respect for each other. Without the above, the family atmosphere will be heavy and suffocating, directly affecting the health and spirit of the members, losing their self-worth in life. If a couple does not sympathize and share their hardships, they will be frustrated, angry, and even depressed. Children will become indifferent and cold like the way their parents treat each other, living without love and responsibility for those around them because the golden rule in family life is "when parents are in harmony and happy, then children will be happy"...

Sharing this issue, Mr. HVH (Hai Duong City) said that because there is no love in life, the house is like a boarding house. The house is dirty and no one cleans it, meals are shared quietly, when we are sick we do not ask about each other, take care of each other or interfere in each family's personal matters. "When my mother was sick, she gave her a few million and told her to give it to her without asking how she was. I feel really tired, sometimes I do not want to go home because it is cold, there is no laughter, no joy", Mr. H. shared.

Building a marriage and family is an art that everyone needs to learn. To be happy, before entering into marriage, you need to prepare yourself mentally, attend pre-marital classes or read books and documents, and equip yourself with the most basic skills. You need to discuss with your partner about work, life views, and personal desires for each matter to receive sympathy and sharing. In addition, you also need to prepare material conditions such as a house and a stable job. And especially, when conflicts arise, both people must be calm, put aside their egos to find common ground. Only then will married life be happy and sustainable.