Don't let your children "accuse" their parents.

After a meeting of my daughter’s class before the new school year, the homeroom teacher sent a message to the class’s Zalo group: The children are “accusing” their parents after the teacher asked the students what they thought about parents’ high expectations of their children. Many of them said: If we talk back when our parents scold us, we argue, but if we don’t say anything, we say we just keep our faces blank, no matter what, we can’t say anything…

Surely not only the parents in my daughter's class were "accused" by their children like that, but many people suddenly realized that they seemed to have not really listened to their children.

I remember, when my child was in kindergarten, then in first, second, and third grade, he had a lot of stories to tell me after school. But from fourth grade onwards, his stories were more selective. And in eighth and ninth grade, the stories about school and friends became less frequent, sometimes I had to whisper for a long time before he could tell me a few stories.

Children's psychology changes gradually with age. As they grow up, their thinking becomes more mature. If parents do not realize this and still think that their children are still children who do not know anything, it will be very difficult to understand them. On the contrary, at a certain age, children begin to have secrets and private matters. Even though parents always want to listen, children may not be ready to share.

Teaching and guiding children has never been easy. I have seen people who followed the path their parents had laid out for them, but at one point they suddenly realized that it was not the path they wanted to take and that it was not suitable for them. But at that time, no matter how many reasons they had, their parents did not accept it, and they still thought that their children were just impulsive for a moment and then everything would fall into place. Those who are strong enough can overcome the "cocoon" created by their parents to find their own way, but many people cannot escape, living their whole lives in the expectations of their parents will easily develop a feeling of hatred, even blaming their parents for their imposition.

In fact, many students enter their final year of high school, preparing to choose a university - the place that will decide their future career, but still do not know what career they like to choose. In many families, choosing a school is the parents' job. The child likes this school but the parents choose another school because it is better, after graduating it is easier to get a job in this or that place according to the parents' point of view, so the child also changes direction. Even the school the parents choose is completely opposite to the child's aptitude and career interests...

Not being able to express your thoughts and desires can easily create dependent, unconfident children. “Parents should encourage their children to speak their minds, give them space to express themselves, and avoid problems and even stress when they are not allowed to speak up,” is the advice my daughter’s homeroom teacher gave to the parents in the class as the new school year is about to begin, and the children are at a very sensitive age.

In recent years, the education program has shifted to a child-centered teaching model, where students are the subject, “empowered” to express their opinions and present their views more. “Classes” of sharing confidences and revealing private matters like in my daughter’s class are no longer rare. Children can easily confide in their teachers about their dreams and plans. The school environment is changing, parents need to change too.