Men's "tears"

Mental abuse

“One day she criticized me for being useless, trusting my friend more than my wife, taking nearly 200 million VND of our savings to lend to her without discussing it and she couldn’t pay it back. Knowing I was wrong, I accepted being scolded by my wife, but for nearly a month now, every day after work I see my wife with a heavy face and light eyebrows. After a heavy meal, no one says a word to each other. I’m bored so I don’t want to go home after work.” The story of Mr. NVT from Thai Hoa commune (Binh Giang) shared at the gender equality forum held at the end of October in this district shows that victims of domestic violence are not only women. Many men are also victims and they are mainly mentally abused.

Dr. Dinh Doan, a psychological consultant for the program "Window of Love" of the Voice of Vietnam, once shared that he had received many calls from men, including one from Hai Duong, about the mental abuse of wives towards their husbands. In addition to insulting and nagging their husbands, many wives choose to be indifferent in their marital relationship without knowing that this is also an act of domestic violence. Such continuous mental violence towards men in the family can easily lead to broken marriages.

According to psychologist Dinh Doan, while wives have anti-violence clubs, trusted addresses to seek refuge when their husbands abuse them, and even hotlines to report acts of violence, husbands have very few places to share. Therefore, they often accept silence and endure. Many depressed husbands turn to alcohol. In a fit of uncontrollable drunkenness, they commit acts of violence against women. Thus, from being victims, many men have become "criminals" of domestic violence.

Statistics on domestic violence in Hai Duong in recent years have shown that women are abused more, but that does not mean that men are not abused. They can be abused at home and in society. Mr. NVG in Lien Hong commune (Hai Duong city) admitted that he was beaten by a female colleague "just because I accidentally said that if she could not work as a mortar assistant, she would come back to live off her. But she took a shovel handle and hit me on the head until it bled."

Last May, the Standing Vice Chairman of the Provincial People's Committee signed a decision to fine Ms. NTY 15 million VND for injuring her husband on the sidewalk of Nga residential area, Gia Loc town.

At the forum on gender equality within the framework of the launching ceremony of the Month of Action for Gender Equality and Prevention and Response to Gender-Based Violence in 2023 in Hai Duong, Vice President of the Provincial Women's Union Pham Thi Phuong commented that a man who feels physically and mentally harmed by the actions, attitudes and words of others is called a victim of violence. Men can also be subjected to violence in the form of sexual harassment or through text messages, emails, Facebook or being insulted, beaten... However, when men are subjected to violence, most of them are afraid to speak up and silently find ways to cope, the worst is to seek divorce.

Gender equality in practice

According to the United Nations, gender equality means that women and men enjoy the same conditions. Both sexes enjoy full human rights and have the opportunity to contribute to and benefit from the development of society in general. Therefore, promoting gender equality is not only for women but also for men.

According to Head of the Department of Child Protection, Care and Gender Equality (Department of Labor, War Invalids and Social Affairs of Hai Duong province) Vu Hong Quan, promoting gender equality is not about leveling the genders but about promoting the strengths of each gender, contributing to building a better life. Women also need to care for men, avoid acts of violence that negatively impact men's lives and affect family happiness.

Implementing the Law on Gender Equality and the National Strategy on Gender Equality for the period 2021-2030, Hai Duong has issued many mechanisms, policies and solutions to promote gender equality and the advancement of women in all areas of social and family life. The province has also made many efforts to achieve targets in the field of gender equality. Gender-based violence prevention and control has received attention in families, communities, schools and workplaces. Awareness of officials and people about gender equality, the position and role of women has been raised. However, caring for gender equality for men is rarely mentioned. The province should also pay more attention, creating opportunities to protect men from domestic violence and provide health care, psychological and marital counseling.

When gender equality is taken seriously, violence between both sexes can be gradually eliminated.